Missing Pages (Book 2)

Getting Back to "Normal"

Song for this chapter: Could You Be Home by Heffron Drive

Zayn's POV~
"Haz?" I whisper, trying to wake him. It's 3pm, and my stomach has been growling for food all day, but I knew Harry needed his rest. "Baby, wake up." He stirs, mumbling something that I couldn't quite make out. I press my lips to the top of his curly hair, and he finally opens his eyes. "How are you feeling?" I ask, and he shrugs in reply.

"Would you like some food?" I ask, running my hand up & down his back.

"No." He says, his voice rough and gravelly.

"When was the last time you ate?" I ask worriedly.

"Does it matter?" He snaps, looking up at me, his forehead creased, and his eyebrows drawn together.

"Yes, Harry, it does. When was the last time you ate something?" I ask sternly.

"I had half a bottle of whiskey last night."

"That doesn't count as food."

"Then pizza." He huffs.

"We haven't had pizza in three days." I state plainly.

"I know." He sighs.

"You haven't eaten for three days?!"

"So? Donny went longer than that without food." He snaps, & my face softens.

"Harry.." I sigh, watching his eyes fill up with tears.

"He's gone Zayn...He's dead and it's all my fault. I fought so hard to keep Louis, Nick and myself alive, and the one person I didn't protect ended up dead! He would always sacrifice for us and we never even thanked him! Never, not once!" He shouts, tears slip down his cheeks.

"Shh.." I hush him soothingly, pulling him close.

"H-He didn't deserve to d-die, Zayn..." He cries into my chest.

"I know..shh..I know." I rub circles on his back.

"I want him back..Why can't he come back?"

"Because he's dead. You can't change death..Death is the only thing in life that can't change." He bites his lip, & I continue, "In life everything has a loophole, nothing in life is set in stone. So it only makes sense that the opposite of life (death) would be final. It's the only thing in life that you can't cheat your way out of, there is no going back. And I think that's why death scares so many people. They don't know how to grasp the concept of something being forever. Because nothing in our lives is forever. Not you, not me, not high school, or our hair color, or the clothes we wear. But Donny, Donny is forever. He's dead. And he isn't coming back."

"I go to his grave." He said softly.

"What?" I ask confused. Who's grave?

"Every night. I go to see Donny..That's what you wanted to know right? Where I was disappearing to?"

"Well yeah, but, wait, you go to a graveyard every night?"

"Yes." He states matter-o-factly.

"What do you do there?" I ask curiously.

"I smoke mostly, but I also talk to him..his grave I mean..sometimes I pretend he talks back. I know it's crazy, and I sound like a total loon, but I don't know what else to do. I can't talk to anyone about what happened, it's just easier to talk to Donny."

"Donny's dead Harry. Of course it's easier. He's not really there, it's basicly like your talking to yourself. You speak for Donny so you hear exactly what you want to hear. You need to open up, if not to me then to someone, but someone living, okay? It's not good for you to keep everything bottled inside you, trust me, I should know." I said, running my fingers through his hair. "Don't make the same mistakes as I did. Your stronger than I ever was, you just have to believe that."