Mine to Protect [Kagehina]

Chapter 11: Feelings

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SUMMARY: 
He was so fucked.
Because Hinata was not someone he could have. He was not like Kageyama. He was not made for Kageyama's world.
And when it was time to let Hinata go, it was going to kill him.

***

Kageyama busied himself at the stove, stirring two cans of chicken soup he had poured into a saucepan to heat up. He didn't really need to watch it so carefully, but it gave him something to do, a reason to avoid Hinata's eyes when the other man came into the kitchen.

He didn't know why he had felt hurt, why Hinata's insistence on forgetting those words stung so much. It definitely should not matter if Hinata liked him. In fact, it was infinitely better if he didn't. It would make things so much easier when this was over.

So why did he care so much?

He shouldn't. Not one bit. Hinata was a convenient fuck. They were stuck here together with absolutely nothing else to do, that was all. They were just blowing off steam, nothing more.

But even as the thought flitted through his consciousness, he knew it was a lie.

Kageyama was many questionable things, but he was no liar.

Regardless of his feelings, Hinata would be gone from his life soon, so he knew he needed to get over this, and quickly. The fact that Kageyama wanted to hold onto him, to hold onto whatever this was between them, was irrelevant. When they found his sister, Hinata would go back to his normal life, back to his job and his family and his regular, violence-free existence. He would go shopping for groceries, go to the movies, hang out with friends and be happy.

It didn't matter that Kageyama wanted Hinata to be his and his alone. It was of no consequence that Hinata made Kageyama feel things, soft things like affection and yearning. It made no difference that when he looked at Hinata, he felt a strange but satisfying warmth and comfort, or that when Hinata said please, Kageyama wanted to do whatever it took to make him happy, to see him smile.

Hinata would be walking out of Kageyama's violent, dangerous life soon, and that's how it had to be. It was ridiculous for him to consider that it would, that it could, turn out any other way. Kageyama had never been soft over anyone or anything. He'd been a hard person all his life. He was all sharp edges and violent tendencies and harsh words. He was angry, vicious, ruthless.

He was not made of mercy or compassion.

Or love.

The object of his musings shuffled into the kitchen, his head hung low. He seated himself at the table without speaking. He might have been about to say something, but Kageyama spoke first.

"I made chicken soup. I hope that's okay."

Hinata hesitated for a second, but then said, "Yeah, that's fine. Thanks."

Kageyama turned off the stove and pulled out two bowls from the cabinet. He filled both bowls and brought them to the table before going back for spoons. Hinata muttered another soft 'thank you' and they began to eat. It was silent and still in the cabin except for the slurping of soup and the clink of silverware against the ceramic bowls. Kageyama felt anxious and fidgety as a result of the awkward silence. He struggled to find something to say to dissipate the tension between them.

He opened his mouth, not even sure what he wanted to say, when Hinata said, "Kageyama, listen..."

But Hinata was interrupted by the buzz of Kageyama's burner phone, and he snapped his mouth shut. Kageyama was annoyed at the interruption but picked it up to answer.