What Drives You Is Pain

Chapter 5

I awoke with a start. Blinding white lights flashed into my eyes the moment I opened them.

Heaven?

"SHE'S UP!" I heard someone scream and then 3 or 4 people were rushing around me.

I took a sharp breathe when I found the face I didn't want to see, Ryan.
His face was serious and sad. I looked into his eyes for a sign of his feelings but he came back unreadable.

"Why?" I muttered "why?" I muttered the same word continually.
Over and over again I muttered and pounded my hand on the pillow. Tears rolled down my flustered cheeks one bye one, light at first but then I began to bawl my heart out.

I was taken in by two big strong arms that felt warm and loving, but I wanted nothing more than to feel the peace I needed to feel. I pushed the arms and the love of Ryan away with as much strength as I could muster, physically and mentally.

I deserved to be alone because I only hurt people in my wake. If I died no one would remember. They all would move on with their lives and get older but would never look back and think of me because I am a failure.

Lauren walked over and hugged me. Her eyes got shining and all at once she started crying heavily. "I thought we were making progress, Eugene." Lauren said in between sobs.

"I did, too." I said. Lie "I'm sorry Lauren." Lie, well maybe.

I looked up at the bright lights to stop myself from crying, again. I looked around the room and saw my mom. That's a surprise. Then I saw Mr.Kay. Not a surprise. Then random people were staring at me.

I suddenly became aware of all the people around me and my heart beat began to race and my breathes became sharper.

Ryan must have noticed because he shooed the people back away from me. My breathing became more natural over time.

"Give her some time to rest." Ryan said sharply but sadness seeped from his voice.

I flenched at his tone but settled into the hospital bed to rest and sleep took over me.

I was under water running along the sand when I stumble. I fell on to the sandy ground of the ocean and laid there until finally I floated to the top of the surface. I began to swim to some one and was met by the muscular arms of Ryan. I looked up into his face and he kissed me but then he pulled away. He got a devious smile on his face and he plunged me under water. Ryan was holding me until I couldn't breathe and instead of feeling at peace and calm I was in pain. A blood curdling scream escaped me along with the rest of my remaining air.

I awoke with a jerk this time there was no bright lights but my body was in cold sweats. I began to shiver and I wrapped a fluffy blanket around me and my feet. I then climbed under the blanket and laid there until I needed air. I got out from under the blanket and looked around the room. On a chair beside the hospital bed sat Ryan who was now awake.

"You ok?" he asked.

I shook my head no and he got up and walked over. I scudded over and he wedged himself in the bed with me. To give us more space I laid on top of him and he wrapped his arms around me. I instantly became warm once more and fell asleep. Not before thinking that the Ryan I was with now was not at all the same from my dream and I hoped it stayed that way.