Darker And Devastated

15.

IVA FAITH

It looked like we were heading somewhere else before he told me about his marriage plans, but now we are going home as he has taken a U-turn. We stay quiet all the way home, but there is something strange about me being calm–I don't feel any anger or hurt.

Do I not care if he gets married to someone else? Of course, I do! But then, what is it that's keeping me calm right now? Probably, it's my gut feeling telling me that I'm not going to lose Casper. And what makes me think that? I don't know.

The car stops when we reach the other end of the driveway. Casper hops out swiftly, not bothering to take the keys out of the car. The engine is still ignited, but he seems to be in a hurry. I opened the door from my side and came out, following him inside. It was hard to keep up with his pace, but I managed somehow and ended up panting like a dog.

I watched him as he looked around and spotted Emma and Juan playing by the pool. Emma's toys are scattered around while she is explaining something to Juan who is listening to her patiently.

"Look! Daddy!" Emma sequels, jumping on her feet and running towards Casper as if she is seeing him after ages.

Casper picks her up and twirls her around, making her giggle before he hugs her tight. He didn't seem to break the hug, and it pained me to see the sad face of Juan. To my relief, Casper extends his hand out to Juan and gives him a side hug.

Juan is growing faster, but he still is a baby when it comes to the requirements of love. Casper should treat him like a baby and not like an adult.

"I have to do my homework," Juan excuses himself, and Casper lets him go without noticing that Juan lied.

Giving me a bitter side-eye, Juan runs to his room. I feel very sorry for not being able to do anything for him because he is not allowing me to. Emma is my everything, but Juan is my baby. I would have never given up on him had Casper not come in the way. Emma did fill the void in my heart that was created when Juan was gone, but it was to some extent, I still feel an emptiness in my heart that only he can fill. No matter what has happened, he is always going to be my first baby. Not giving him birth can not change it.

"Let's play in the water, Daddy!" Emma says, pointing at the pool.

"Not now. Daddy has to go to work," Casper excused.

"You work all day! Mommy used to do the same, and then she fell sick," she says, looking at me. Casper follows her gaze, giving me a lazy look.

Everything seemed alright until Emma decided to talk more. She is just like me; oversharing everything, everywhere.

"And then Noah scolded Mommy and took her to the doctor," she says. Casper's expressions change from casual to jealous, or that's what I assumed. Otherwise, why would he clench his jaw and wrinkle his forehead?

"Oh, I miss Noah, Daddy. You said you would take me to visit him." she scoffs, pouting like a puffer fish.

"We will go some other time. I have a very important meeting right now," Casper says, hurriedly, walking to me. He leans and tries to hand me our puffer fish Emma, but she stays clinging to her father.

"I will go to the meeting too," she announces.

"Not today," Casper tells her in a very calm tone, but she doesn't stop arguing.

"Yes, today," she says, stubbornly.

"Emma," I give her a stern look, and she hides behind her face in her father's neck.

Casper sighs.

"How about you let me go to the meeting alone, and then we go to see Noah in the evening together?" Casper offers.