Nightmares (FioLee)

Chapter Four

"But you're evil!" Fionna protested.
"Ah, evil. You know, some great writer, probably Twain, but I attribute everything to Twain, said that evil is distinguished by the choice to have it. What human beings consider evil is perfectly acceptable to animals. A tiger isn't evil, a tiger just wants to eat."

"You killed for sport." Fionna pointed out.
The Lich sighed, before continuing. "Evil isn't defined by the actions themselves, it's defined by the intentions. The emotional attachment. And that's really what defines sentient life, isn't it? The emotional attachment? If we remove that, then we become animals, and we thereby remove 'evil', the right and the wrong decisions. We simply think it's a way of life."

"Okay, but I'm pretty sure you axed a whole bunch of people." Marshall pointed out.
The Lich shrugged. "So? There's another side to sentience. Sentient beings think they own everything they come across. They think that just because the other beings can't voice their problems, that they don't matter. Yes, it's a way of life for them, but it's a circle. There always has to be a balance. And there wasn't. That's why everything is so messed up right now. The sentient beings gained too much power and destroyed a whole bunch of themselves. And I am the balance."

"That's a little lofty." Marshall muttered.
The Lich glared at him. "Oh? You think this mess won't happen again? There has to be a balance, black-haired one. A chunk was blown out of the planet. Who do you think did that? The dolphins? No, bad example... the sheep? Sheep do not have atomic power, black-haired one."
"Okay, I actually have a name."
"I don't care. You are black-haired one and she is blonde girl."

"My name is Fionna."
"I still don't care." The Lich shrugged. "Anyway, you two better turn around, and tell your grandbabies this story one day, 'cause if you start something with me, you're not going to walk out alive. And I'll be picking my teeth with your bones."
"You're going to eat us?" Fionna asked, eyes widening.

Marshall backed away a little, pulling Fionna with him.
"I mean... no, probably not. But it's a good threat." The Lich said. "Anyway... you two were leaving...? Like, now? So I can get back to contemplating the nature of humanity and how it's inclined to destroy? And how evil is just a concept? Like money. Money is little bits of paper assigned a value by society as a whole which can crush people and raise the oppressors to amazing heights where they may further oppress the masses."

"What is she talking about?" Fionna whispered to Marshall.
"Communism, I think? It's not a system that really works up here." He answered quietly. "Don't know why the Lich cares about it though."
"I can hear you." The Lich snapped. "And I just gave a whole damn speech on... never mind. Can you two just... go make out in someone else's cave or something? Please?"

"Haha, why would you say that?" Fionna said awkwardly, blushing and looking anywhere but at Marshall.
"We're totally platonic friends." Marshall added, mimicking her actions.
The Lich narrowed her eyes at them. "Are you... are you kidding me right now? I can practically smell the fact that you two want to make out in a corner or whatever it is that children do nowadays. I don't know if this is some weird thing you do to get in the mood, but get out of my cave before you get all over each other."

"Great joke, but we don't like each other that way." Fionna said.
"Is love like grief? Is denial a stage?" The Lich asked, as someone else appeared out of nowhere between the Lich and Fionna and Marshall.

The someone was an exact copy of the Lich in her current state, wearing a beat-up old hat that had wires running through it and a visor.
"Hey guys! Whatcha doing, cave make-outs?" The Copy-Lich grinned.
"Why do you keep coming to that conclusion?" Marshall asked suspiciously.

"Why are there two of you?" Fionna asked.
The Copy-Lich looked confused, before she shrugged. "Oh, right. Laurence. My stick-up-the-butt brother. Yeah, I hear you. That guy is the worst. Literally. He blew up the world!"
"Uh huh... back away slowly." Marshall whispered the last part to Fionna.
The Copy-Lich looked confused as the first Lich snuck up behind her. "Hey, guys, c'mon. It's me, Olivia. Your buddy. Is this about the fact that I was a nutty monster-- hey!"

The first Lich grabbed the hat from the Copy-Lich, simultaneously pushing her into the corner.
"Oh, that's not good." Copy-Lich sighed. "That's not good at all."
The first Lich lit up her hand, and motioned for Fionna and Marshall to join her, before a cage descended from the ceiling, enclosing them in together.

"When did you install this?" Fionna demanded.
The first Lich shrugged. "A while back. You never know when you need a ceiling cage."
"This is some Bond stuff." Marshall sighed.
"You know I can just melt the bars, right? Then you'll end up knocked out." The Copy-Lich pointed out.

"Yeah, but you want to know my plan, right? The plan that I have just come up with? Besides, if this thing gets damaged, you can't go home, and then the universe implodes. So you're not going to let blonde girl and black-haired one out to potentially destroy it."
"Oh my god, your nicknames aren't even clever." Olivia snapped.

The first Lich put on the helmet. "Let's see... what about a sociopath willing to kill the woman he's in love with, and then her boyfriend so that he will replace him...?"
With a few clicks of the buttons on the helmet, and some weird hand movements, a copy of Marshall suddenly appeared in the room.

The first Lich took off her helmet. "Hmm... Lee, would you mind waiting in the corner? I have more villains to bring into this world, and I don't need a playlist-inspired sociopath poking the cage-people."
"...you're the insane woman? Why am I here...?" Lee asked.

"Good question. You're here to help me destroy people and possibly establish a new world order, possibly getting rid of specifically the cage people."
Lee looked over at the cage, and Olivia waved enthusiastically. "Hi!"
Lee's eyes widened. "Fionna..."

"Oh no no no. I need to actually come up with a plan here. And there will be no assaulting of barely legal girls, in the meantime or no."
"But she's with him!" Lee protested.
"And you're a goddamn sociopath in an alternate universe!" The first Lich exclaimed. "Now sit tight and don't creep anyone out too much."

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*Author's Note*

Lee is one of the titular characters from 'The Strange Case of Dr. Marshall and Mr. Lee'. He has many fangirls. He does not deserve them. Helmet Olivia is from the crack fic. It does not deserve a call-out. 

But hey, annoyingly-philanthropic Author Girl has returned, stronger than ever (strengthened by the comments on that one chapter of AFF) to defeat the forces of 'It's just a fanfic, you don't have to put something that seems wise in for really no reason' or IJaFFYDHtPSTSWiFRNR. The longest acronym ever created.