At the end

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I run circles around my own mind.

Keeping thoughts buried. Swallowing heavy silence.

Lock it up tight and never let anyone know.

Heavy topics that I let slide,

they linger on my skin,

I try to scrub the shame away.

Silence.

Screams that get lodged in my throat.

Finding the courage to speak in the bottom of a bottle.

Drunk fights and sober apologies.

I'm sorry that I finally let my mind speak.

Honest thoughts that I keep locked up tight.

I'm sorry that I'm only honest with a high enough percentage in my veins.

That the powder keeps me numb and the crystals keep me moving.

You tell me that I'm fun.

I keep my answer in my throat.

Take a sip to wash it down.

I want to tell you that the path I'm on is not a fun one.

It's one that I know the end of.

One that I've seen before.

I wonder if you'll still think of me as fun at the end of it.  

The diary of Seth AlexanderWhere stories live. Discover now