I'm deaf..not ignorant.

4. The attempt

(POV Giyuu Tomioka)
It happened again. He bullied me again. The short guy with the snake. Rengoku told me that his name is Obanai Iguro. He took my hair, cutted it short and burned it. I had enough. Why did he do that? I couldn’t know because I don’t know what he was saying and there was noone else there with us. Fuck it. I don’t want to live in this world anymore. It was too much for me to bear. Stupid living…
I went to my favorite place, the wisteria garden. I had my jackknife with me. This was it, the end. I could finally die. I took the knife out and putted it next to my neck. “I’m sorry, Rengoku-san.“ I said and was about to slash but then, someone grabbed my wrist. I wanted them to let go, I didn’t care who it was. “Let-.. me-.. die-..!“ I yelled, knowing that I won’t hear their answer. I had too much rage and sadness inside of me that I could litteraly stab the person holding my wrist. I turned the knife in my hand to their direction and stabbed their shoulder. Then, I finally reliezed what have I done. I looked beside me and saw.. Rengoku. The knife fell from my hand. “Ren-Rengoku-…san“ A tear fell down my face. “I’m..I’m sorry.. What did I do..?“ I looked at my hands, the ones that just stabbed the only person here that cared about me. What kind of monster am I? I looked at him. He didn’t look mad, he was smiling kindly. I took a step closer to him. The blood was flowing out of his shoulder and I knew that it was my fault. He grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled my head on his chest, then he wrapped his hand around me. He.. didn’t care about what of a horrible thing I just did to him? Why.. how could be just fine about it? He started stroking my hair and I cried.. About everything that just happened. I tried to kill myself, then I stabbed him and now, he’s kind to me. He made me feel warm inside. I didn’t know what kind of feeling was that, but I liked it. It was the first time in my life feeling this. I wanted to hear his voice.. for some reason I couldn’t explain to myself. I looked up at his face and I understood it everything. I was feeling something.. attachment to him. Like I needed him in my life. How could this happen? I smiled for myself a bit. Rengoku, the man I want to be mine. But of course he couldn’t be because, who would want to be with someone like me? A deaf, depressed freak.. “I’m sorry..“ I said to him. The words just escaped from my mouth for no reason. I didn’t plan on saying anything but I did.
Suddenly, his hug started loosing its tightness. I looked at his shoulder and finally noticed how much blood he lost because of me. I started panicking. I took off my haori and wrapped it around Rengoku’s shoulder to stop the bleeding. My dearest thing was helping my dearest person. He smile at me and looked into my worried eyes. His mouth opened and closed as he was saying something. I understood that he couldn’t just be silent in a situation like this when life was probably dear to him. Still, I wished to hear what he said. I wanted to hear it all. I didn’t care that it could be anything. I just wanted to hear. It was so unfair.. But I already knew that information about life. I started thinking bad again but then, I felt something that made me forget it all. Rengoku took my hand and started walking somewhere. I didn’t care where, but I just followed him  wherever he went. I was a little in the behind and I was watching his hair swing in the air while mine was gone.. And he didn’t notice. I sighed sadly and he turned to me. He looked at me in a ‘Are you okay?‘. I could read it in his face expression. Then, he finally noticed and his smile faded. His eyes widened. He turned me and looked at my hair. He was stroking it earlier but he didn’t notice.. or, did he even care about my hair? He took out his hair tie and he tied the remainder of my hair to a little loose ponytail. He took my hand again and started going to the place where we were going again while I didn’t know if I should be smiling or crying at this moment. I wanted to do both but I couldn’t. I couldn’t smile, I forgot how to do it as it should be, my little smiles didn’t count and crying, I ran out of tears..
“Rengoku… I wish I could hear you..“