Haikyuu Imagines

Ryunosuke Tanaka ☔

Warnings: Depression/Suicide Attempt/Swearing

I sat on my unmade bed with my legs dangling off the side. I looked down at my shaky hands that held white pills in one hand and the empty bottle in the other. I closed my eyes as my lips quivered while tears spilled down my flushed cheeks. I shakily placed the empty bottle on my side table beside the glass of water I had. I let out small whimpers as I picked up the glass. 

"I just can't do this anymore." I breathed. "I'm sorry Ryunosuke, I just can't."

I lifted my right hand that held the pills and popped the handful into my dry mouth. I held the glass up to my mouth and poured the water into. I tried swallowing but only a few pills flowed down. My bottom lip continued to quiver as I took another sip, small dribbles of water spilling down my chin. I swallowed again, and just like last time I couldn't swallow it all. I just wanted to get it over with, I didn't want to have second thoughts. I immediately gulped down more water, forcing the pills to flow down my throat. I gagged as the last pill slipped down. I placed the water down and looked at my shaky hands.

"It's going to be better." I muttered under my breath.

"Surprise!" My door flung open, showing my boyfriend Tanaka in the doorway.

My head shot up as the door opened. My mind started to race, and I immediately had second thoughts about it all.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He fell to his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands in his. "Baby talk to me."

More sobs began escaping my mouth as tears flooded my sight. 

"I'm sorry." I sobbed. "I don't want to do it anymore."

"What? What are you talking about Y/n?"

His eyes moved from me to my side table. His right hand shot over and picked up the empty pill bottle he found almost immediately. His eyes grew as he realized it was empty.

"No, no" He muttered.

He shot up from his position on the ground, pulling me up by my hands with him. Without speaking he quickly pulled me out of my room and into the bathroom that was just a few doors down. He pushed the door open, not minding the switch. He gently but quickly pushed me to the ground in front of the toilet. 

"Open your mouth." He harshly ordered as he pulled my hair back and held it with one hand.

"Tanaka-"

"Open your fucking mouth Y/n!" I could hear his voice breaking.

I parted my lips, and he shoved his fingers down my throat. I gagged instantly, but nothing came out. He waited just a couple seconds before shoving his fingers back down my throat. My right hand gripped his thigh as the hot liquid arose out from my throat. He withdrew his hand just before the bile filled my mouth and left my lips. Tears continued to flow down my cheeks as I tightened my grip on his thigh. 

"There you go" He softly spoke. 

After the first wave finished, he didn't hesitate to shove his fingers back down my throat. I gagged but nothing else. I pushed his hand away from my face with the hand that was on his thigh just moments before.

"I can't, it hurts." I sobbed.

"You have to Baby, please."

I let my hand fall to the ground, letting him continue. My throat burned while my stomach twisted in knots. His fingers pushed back into my mouth and just before he could remove his fingers the bile spilled out. I tried to apologize but the bile filled my mouth again. I looked down into the toilet as I heaved. The surface of the toilet was almost filled with all the pills, I didn't realize how many I actually took. Tanaka pushed his fingers into my mouth one last time. I gripped his thigh tightly as the last of the bile left my stomach. I spit into the toilet, trying to get the taste out of my mouth. Tanaka let go of my hair and closed the toilet seat before flushing the evidence down the drain. He wrapped both of his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest.

"I love you so much Y/n" He voice breaking with every word. I could hear his soft sobs leaving his lips.

I placed my left hand on his chest and held onto him.

"But why?" He asked. "What made you- want to do that?"

My heart broke with every word that left his quivering lips.

"I just..." I mumbled quietly, yet loud enough for him to hear. "I hate myself... I don't have a purpose, I have nothing. I'm not worth anything."

"You have me Y/n, you are worth everything to me. If you died, I wouldn't have anything." He tightened his grip around my body as if I was about to slip away. "You are my world, please, please, don't ever leave me Y/n. Please."