heda | clexa

one

When Lexa enters the tower that day, greeted by Titus in the hallway, she knows that she's in for a rough day of work. Nothing could've prepared her for what will happen, but looking back, she likes to keep the illusion that she was at least ready for something.

She can see it in the twitch in Titus' jaw when she meets him that morning.

It's early and he looks exhausted- the first unusual thing. He's important enough to always get enough food and enough sleep whenever he wants to, so there's no reason for him to look exhausted. His robes should not be crumpled, either. They should not be the same as yesterday's.

Whatever happened, he did not go to bed that night, and it shows.

He looks angry, too. Not as unusual, but as Lexa mentioned, his tight jaw is a telltale for bad news. It's not like he shys away from letting his anger out on her, per se, but he does tend to direct it towards his slaves, servants and maids more often. Now, his small eyes are directed at her, no more than dark slits, gleaming like the Golden Cross at night, though notably less holy.

So apparently, today, he's angry at Lexa. She braces herself before she even greets him, bows a little lower, lets her voice be a little softer.

"Hell is upon us," he declares without greeting her back, and Lexa straigthens at once. Her ribs contract around her heart, she draws in a sharp breath, her stomach bottoms out.

Fear.

She shakes it off. It is not her place to fear hell. It's not the devil's place to guide her body, her thoughts, her instincts.

Lies, a voice in the back of her head whispers, spits, and renders her attempts at keeping a steady breath useless. The devil lives in your body, it returns home to your heart, it sleeps in your head.

Clasped behind her back, her hands are out of sight, and her nails dig crescent moons into her palms.

Nestled in the valley between her breasts, there's a small cross dangling from a necklace, hidden beneath layers of clothing. The metal has taken on her body's temperature, but she can still feel the sharp edges and the smooth texture. She wishes it was colder now, just so it would be more distracting.

Among paying attention to her step, her appropriate posture, Titus and his white knuckles, she focuses on the comforting, heavy feeling of her cross.

Her breathing eases.

Do not fear, for I am with you.

What is Lexa doing? Why is she afraid of the devil?

She is doing God's work, and he is in her corner in return. He pays attention to her. He protects her.

You have risen from my hands.

Lexa may have the devil's blood running in her veins, but God made her flesh, her bones, her skin, God is the one that resides in her heart.

"Hell?" Lexa finally works up the courage to ask, and her heart beats steadily despite that terrible possiblity leaving her lips. God resides in your heart, she reminds herself. Do not fear. "You mean- you mean it's the Last Day?"

Titus whips his head around and glares at her. "You mean- you mean," he mimicks in a high voice and scoffs. "For heaven's sake, you're a student of God, stop stuttering."

"I'm sorry."

"You better be. The devil has sent his soldiers upon our shores and we need everything but a dumb girl right now."

The devil has sent his soldiers upon our shores- what does that mean? Is Titus really referring to the end of the world, to the day where the living and dead will be judged, to the day where the devil may take his share of the population but God will fight for his own?

Or did Azgeda attack? Did the Sankru people riot?

Is Titus merely claiming the devil's name upon these attackers or are they really facing evil?

"Titus, why are you consulting me? I am no fighter."

He barks out a laugh. "Of course you're not. Yet God gave you a way to fight for him. Do you hear, blaken?"

They've reached Titus' office and Lexa stands straight on the rug in the room's center, work of a Podakru artisan with its fine blue swirls. The rest of the office is deep gray stone and dark wood, the furniture heavy and ornamented by carvings and golden embellishments. His chair is covered with red velvet, high as a throne, of expensive red wood, the kind they only grow in selected places in Yujleda.

Lexa gives him time to sit down and order the maid at the door to bring him a drink, quietly waiting for him to continue. Over the years, she has learned his tells, when he intends to keep speaking, when he wants her to reply, when he wants her to speak louder, quieter, when he wants her to smile, when he wants her to disappear, when he wants her to wear more clothes, when less.

The maid hurries back inside after a short amount of time with a cup of something steaming in her hands and sets it down on his desk. "Careful," he snaps. "This desk is expensive. If you ruin it, I'll have to add it to your indenture and you could never afford it."

"Yes, of course, sir," the maid says. She too knows Titus' tells. She knows when to speak quieter, when to make herself smaller, when to be softer. Right now, she's hunching, her voice barely above a whisper, everything about her so very gentle.

Lexa gives her a sympathetic smile- it's not really a smile, more of a twitch of her lips, but she knows the maid recognizes it and Titus does not.

Titus mindlessly stirs the cup as the maid scurries away again- probably bitter, black coffee, too hot to drink. Lexa has served it for him plenty of times before. He has chastised her when it wasn't hot enough; usually, he lets it sit to cool down for several minutes before he actually takes a sip.

"Remember when I first took you in, blaken?"

There it is again, that nickname he's so fond of.

Black.

So simple, yet it makes Lexa tuck her chin into her collar a little deeper.

Yes, Lexa remembers.

She doesn't like to think back to it, though.

"Yes," she answers simply. He does this a lot, asking her if she remembers. He doesn't actually want her to recount events, she made that mistake only once.

He likes it far too much to do it himself.

"Scrawny and ugly. Did you know your eyes used to be a black pool, too? Dark like the night sky. You reminded me of your mother, that poor soul. An abomination of the thing she did, a sin come to life. God did a great thing to accept you, to give you just an ounce of his grace."

Lexa knows, she doesn't understand why he has to repeat this so often.

The crescent moons are back on her palms.

Titus takes a sip of coffee and hisses. The way his eyes flicker to the door makes Lexa think the maid is going to pay for making the coffee too hot.

"He gave you something else today, when we captured the devil's warriors after they slaughtered an entire village at our coast."

Lexa's attention perks up. That part of the story is new. Usually, this is where Titus goes on about either God's grace or Lexa, and her family.

"You will be part of the group that is going to teach these demons the ways of God. You will be in charge of making one of them as proper a creature as they can get. That's what God gave you. He gave you a purpose."

And that's where the day begins to really become unusual.

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