Mechanical Love

Something About Leo

I am resolved and determined that my brothers will not rob me of the super cool excited high feeling that goes along with securing one's first date. That amazing feeling that I totally really and completely feel this evening. The feeling that of course is dominant in my brain, stronger than anxiety and worry and cringe-replay of my conversation with Jesse.

I get ready for bed that night, still vigorously telling myself that excitement is paramount in my mind. We're going full cognitive whatever therapy here, I tell myself. If I think there's no problem, there is no problem. Isn't that how that works?

But when I awaken the next morning, after a comparatively restless and light night of sleep, the anxiety is working double time to break through.

How will Colton ruin this? Has Fulton actually joined him? Because if so, I'm not sure how I can be anything but screwed; Fulton is nothing if not clever.

What I really need, I tell myself, is to talk about it with someone. Yeah. That would make this easier.

I need to talk to Leo.

It's hours before I'm supposed to see him for mechanical stuff. I'm so eager and wound up I actually consider texting or calling him about it, but that's no good. He's in school, like the rest of the teenage world.

So I throw myself into my own homework with violence for the next hours, until it's finally time to go to the shop.

"OhmygoodnessLeo," I word-vomit at him as I burst through the shop door. He looks up from pulling out tools, alarmed at my excitement.

"Whoa how much coffee have you had today?"

"I can't even drink coffee. It makes my heart beat like twice as fast as it's supposed to."

"Not surprising. So what's your goodness Leo?"

I join him in pulling out tools and whatnot, now that I know a little bit about what we're doing in here. And before it bursts out of me with any more violence, I spill, "I have a date."

"What?"

He looks shocked. Confused, even. Not quite the picture of so-thrilled-for-my-friend that I was expecting. His normally bright and dancing brown eyes seem to darken. A little crease of consternation, like a mini pre-scowl, shows up on his forehead. I watch the transformation of his face, and I don't know what to think. Why isn't he sharing in my excitement?

"I think what you meant to say was, 'Wow that's so amazing! Congratulations, Meg!'"

He shakes his head, almost laughs but there's no joy in it. "I don't know if it's standard to congratulate someone over a date."

"Well then it should be! It was no easy feat. It required planning, ingenuity, more planning, and a lot of stress." My excitement is still going strong. Him not meeting it is a blow, but I refuse to give way. I will keep this excitement where it wants to be, until he can figure out to get with it and react properly.

But he gives me a searching look, still no hint of a congratulatory smile on his face. "With Jesse?"

"Yeah of course with Jesse. Isn't it amazing?" Here you go, Leo. One more chance to get on the excitement train with me.

"It's something, alright."

Ouch. I can't pretend that he's just being slow to join in anymore. "Is that all you're gonna say?"

He shrugs. Avoids eye contact. "Uh, cool. Good for you. Is that better?"

Anger and hurt and some very weird feelings of awkwardness start simmering inside me. I don't know what to say.