Her heart

44

Two hours later, I gathered enough strength to stand up and call an uber. If I were in the right state of mind, I would have stayed at home or eventually visited my sister. But I wasn't.

Anger wasn't even enough to describe what I was feeling and nothing could have stopped me. I was ashamed for all the things I believed and the way I hurt the ones around me for my only enemy.

I've been sleeping with the person I was supposed to hate the most. She fed me with words that helped me believe in myself and continue searching, but little did she know I'll succeed.

I guess she never expected of me to betray her. To lie like that and steal something that wasn't even hers. She thought I'll take for granted everything from her, and nothing else. But I am a person on my own.

She had a mask for such a long time but something was making me ask myself if there were any moments where she didn't need it. Did she really feel something for me? Was I even once someone that mattered for her?

As I was getting closer, I started to feel nervous. I didn't want that from myself. I wanted only the pure madness and the same lack of mercy she showed to others.

When the uber driver pulled in front of her gates, I had the worst feeling of my life. The big, black gates seemed to be like the entrance to hell. I walked towards the big house for the last time, hearing my own heartbeat.

Outside was getting dark and everything seemed more gloomy. The house was empty and quiet. A silence that even scared me. She knew I was supposed to arrive, but she didn't know when. What if she found out that I stole the laptop? What if I was about to end just like my cousin?

I was prepared to go upstairs, but something caught my eyes. The glass doors from her living room, were revealing the view of her backyard.

A whole new backyard. New plants have appeared around the huge fence and beach umbrellas were placed next to the pool, underneath them being a couple sunbeds.

Light bulbs were surrounding an area with sofas and what looked like a fire place. Everything was changed. Candles were around the pool, that was now filled with clear water.

I took a few steps closer, just to notice Billie in one of the corners of the backyard, laying in a hammock while playing an ukulele.

I felt possessed by the whole vibe of the place, while her soft voice was playing like one of a siren in my head. I opened the door and stepped outside, like I was in a dream.

I tried to walk towards the fire place, but my dream ended once the song stopped and somebody grabbed me by the wrist, turning my body in the opposite direction.

I felt my skin burning in the place she just touched as my heartbeat increased. She closed the gap between us by trying to hug me, but I immediately pushed her hands away from me, taking a couple steps back.

"Babe. Are you okay?" I felt my ears bleeding at the name she used

"Don't fucking call me that!" I yelled at her, my voice trembling.

"What? What happened?" She seemed concerned, but I was wondering if she really was, or if she was just acting.

"I know everything, Billie. I know what you did to my cousin and how you put him through hell."

Her eyes widened as her jaw visibly dropped. Her mouth was closed but I knew she was trying to say something. She wasn't even blinking as she looked at me blankly.

"You- who told you that?" She finally managed to say.

"Noah himself. He recorded every step of his death sentence. I found the videos on the laptop you stole and kept hidden all this time. I know you lied to me and I know what you've been doing this whole time. I don't wanna see you anymore. You disgust me" I said as I watched her facial expressions turn into something I couldn't read.

"Ava, let me explain. I was planning on telling you. I actually wanted to-"

"Don't fucking try your shit on me again. Did you even cared about me at least once? Or was I just a toy for you like every other girl? I know what you are and I don't wanna see you anymore" I tried to walk towards the door after that as I started to feel a lump in my throat. I couldn't show weakness.

"Wait!" She grabbed my wrist and I tried to pull away, but she was not letting go.

"I'm not the same! I've changed. You changed me. I am a better person and I hate what I've done in my past" her face was red and her eyes got glossy. I heard all kind of emotions in her voice and I hated the way I knew her like she was a part of me.

"Really? Then why did you keep doing this? Now I know why you've been missing like that. You were just out there, fooling innocent souls. Just like you did with me. Tell me, Billie. When was the last time you fucked someone else?" I asked trying to cover my pain

"I swear it was before the night I took you from the party" she said it in a rush

"And were you fucking others while you were doing it with me before that?" I asked without even blinking, giving her a cold stare.

She didn't answer. She looked at me as her eyes were filling with tears.

"Answer!" I yelled and she just nodded in shame. She looked at the ground and I yanked my hand away from her grip. I felt my heart breaking in million pieces.

I rushed inside the house so I could leave, but she once again came after me.

"Wait! Don't leave me, Ava! Let me explain my side of story too, please!" She stood in front of me, blocking the way every time I tried to walk past her.

"You don't fucking get it? I hate you! You destroyed me and broke my heart. You made so many people suffer and you still do. You are a fucking monster!"

I gave up and let my emotions win. Tears were going down my face as she started crying too. Her body was shaking and she barely managed to talk.

"I- I love you! You said you loved me too. Y-you said you won't leave me." She tried to grab my hand again, but I stepped back.

"I don't care! You don't exist to me anymore. Understand? I want you dead!" I yelled as anger filled my head. I didn't think it would sound that harsh, but seeing her reaction I realised it did.

She froze and so did the tears on her face.She stopped breathing and she looked at me like she was...scared.

"You-you didn't mean that." She looked me in the eyes with so much pain, that I was able to feel it myself.

"Yes, I do. You don't deserve to be alive. Nothing could change my mind. You should be the dead one, not my cousin!"

She looked at me like she was lost.Tears started to run down her face again but this time harder than before. I pushed her so I could go and she fell to her knees.

"Ava, please! I'll do anything " She begged as I looked one last time at her. I wanted to see her devastated too, but was it worth it? Was I happier now? Was I feeling better?

I just wanted her to love me. I wanted to be in her arms and feel like I could be forever. I wanted to call her mine and I wanted us happy together.

I wanted Billie, but Billie was something I could have never actually had.