Her heart

1

Dead at the age of 22. How was it possible? They said he killed himself. They said that he put that bullet through his head with his own hands. But should I trust them?

Just because a detective found him dead on the floor with the gun in his hand, it doesn't mean that he decided to pull the trigger.

Noah was not only my cousin, but my best friend. He was the one I was going to when I had a problem and he was cheering me up when I was complaining about my life even if I was 4 years younger.

He always seemed tough and never let his negative thoughts on me, even though now, I wish he did. Was he really that unhappy? Could I have helped? Or is this a huge miss understanding like I think, and he was actually killed by someone else?

I know the fact that some people never show their dark side but I never thought of him to do such a thing. He promised me that no matter what, he'll be there for me. And now he's gone.

They searched his room for any evidence related to why he killed himself, but they found nothing. Not even a letter. It doesn't sound like him, like the guy who was sending random messages just to check if I'm okay. And they still think he took his own life.

I've never liked funerals. They're sad and dark. It reminds you that once it's over, you'll never get to see that person again. You just see all the people you've never seen before and wonder how were they related to the one you lost.

He never introduced me to the life he had outside of the family . I knew he had friends, but I rarely got to meet them. I'm looking around and the only one I recognise between them is Theo. On old friend I haven't seen around Noah in a long time. Next to him are a couple other friends and what I assume work colleagues.

A tall guy is sometimes saying things to Theo while a dude with blonde dreads is just staring into space. There was also a girl with a masculine appearance and dark grey hair and next to her another dude I've never seen before.

A lot of adults, among them being my parents, were also looking at the brown coffin made out of some dark wood.

The one who looks the most devastated is my aunt. I can't believe how that woman can carry so much pain. First, she lost her husband in a car accident. It happened 16 years ago when I was just a baby so I don't remember him very well.

It was hard for her to raise two kids and it became harder when one of them disappeared. Phoebe was 5 when they lost her. We were the same age and we were usually playing together but I can barely remember how she was.

The police tried to find her but they never managed to. They hardly gave up but they had to at some point. My dad tried his best to help. He's a detective and he searched for as much evidence but it was useless. They lost her forever.

He tried to help with Noah's case too, but this time they wouldn't allow him because they were related and it was different compared to Phoebe's loss, so they sent someone else to take care of the case. They wouldn't even let my dad see the dead body.

I didn't ask about what he's thinking, but I know he's on the same side as me. He's just as confused as I am but all he can do now is trying to take care of his sister as best as he can. Aunt Amber is going through a lot and the last thing he wants to do right now is filling her head with theories.

I am still staring into space, waiting for him to appear and tell me that everything's gonna be fine. But he won't. He's gone and I'll have to be here alone, waiting for my mind and my soul to learn how to miss him less and less.

a/n: first chapter is here. I wanted to start this book long ago but I decided to finish my other one first. Hope you'll like it