𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑲𝑺

6

..."My memory loves you,it asks about you all the time"–Unknown

Iretiola's POV

Tonight,all I can think about is how different and similar Olamide and Aarinola are. Ola used to go as far as stealing from her mother's batch of chocolate cupcakes even though she detested cakes. She used to do that for me, just me.

Ola never used to go too far for me, I was the one who always did that. She would never have used her money to buy me Chocolate milk like Aarin, maybe it's because she wasn't as rich, I'll never know why she never went the extra mile for me. Perhaps it's because I wasn't as important to her as she was to me. But it's different now. Aarin really cares about me, I owe her, true friendship.More true than I gave to Ola but it's close to impossible,I don't think I'm capable of holding anyone so close to my heart anymore cause everyone leaves eventually.

If Ola had the money, would she have bought stuff for me??. The fact that I know the answer to that is not in my favor but I'll never be able to get a confirmation makes me itch to cut.

I can't do it here,my roommates are studying.I grab my mini purse which always contains a pack of razor blades and stuff it in my hoodie pocket.

I step out of the dorm with my headphones on and my mind wondering where I can get some privacy.

I got it,the hidden space in the garden,but what If he's there??. I'll apologize and politely request that he give me some privacy.

Different scenarios play out in my head as I make my way to the garden.To my surprise,he isn't there.

I wait five minutes to be sure and then I take off my hoodie which leaves me in my sleeveless tank top.I watch the sweat drip down my arms, when I get a text

Xanny: Wassup Choco!
Me: I'm busy and you're distracting me.
Xanny: What are you doing?!
Me: Missing a friend.
Xanny: Same one you were visiting at the cemetery?
Me: Yeah....
Xanny: Where are you?!
Me: Chill, I'm in my room with my roommates.
Xanny: Please don't harm yourself. Hurting yourself won't bring her back, I'll be here, I'll listen if you want to talk.
Me: Okay,bye 👋

I don't read the messages he sends after that. I miss Ola and I feel bad for comparing her to Aarin. She was a very good person, just that she didn't like going out of her comfort zone.

I play our videos of when we were younger. I just stare at what my Normal used to be. That day, I had stayed home instead of going to school cause she didn't want to be lonely.

I grab the razor, and slash it against my skin and I watch the blood trickle down my arm feeling nothing but the weakness from blood loss.

I grab my blood-cleaning hanky, the one I took from Travis at the hospital and I use it to wipe the blood on my arm.

I lay on the grass like I'm about to make a snow angel and I just stare at the empty sky cause that's exactly how I feel,empty.

At this point, I wouldn't even mind death, I think as I subconsciously drift off into a dreamless slumber.

I don't think about anything, I just sleep. This hasn't happened in years cause reality always finds it's way to me, even in sleep.

I haven't felt this type of empty peace in a while and I'm feeling like I'll be good when I wake up.

Not even ten minutes later, at least I don't feel like I slept for up to ten minutes, someone calls my name "Iretiola" and I snap out of it, my soul instantly filling with anger at the person who interrupted my precious sleep.

"What?!" I growl with my eyes still closed in hopes that I'll still be able to fall asleep again.

"I knew it,I knew you were lying,I don't understand why though" Travis pipes up making me snap my eyes open in anger.