Back to Black (girlxgirl)

It's My Party I Can Cry if I Want To

(Lily's POV)

I had put a lot of thought into Taylor's birthday party but never really made a clear decision. Sure I told Sloane that I had better things to do but in all actuality that wasn't the truth. My mind and emotions were in a constant battle since that thin piece of cardstock was in view. I've been making a mental pros and cons list and every outcome ends with an unclear answer. I could go to the party and throw away everything I've worked so hard to fix. Or, I could stay here and continue my life like usual.

Jacky lays on my bed as I pack for my new dorm life. A suit case proved to be ineffective so we opted out for some boxes. Okay, a lot of boxes. I had put Jacky in charge of organizing my socks a while ago but she ended up taking a nap instead. She really is a big help.

Packing everything away and discovering things forgotten long ago has not only proven to be nostalgic but also a bit heartbreaking depending on the lost item. At the back of my underwear drawer I found an old picture of Nick and I. Nick had stuck up his middle finger which had warranted the secrecy. We were a solid 11 years old and my parents still thought we were angels.

Under my bed, there was a letter I had written to my very first crush in Freshman year. Her name was Stephanie and she had a great butt. I never gave it to her because as I was taking it out of my pocket, Tom Rex pinned her to a wall and did what I wanted to do since I laid eyes on her. Never fall for straight girls.

The most heartbreaking item of my not so distant past was a ring that belonged to Taylor. It was her ruby ring that was always on her finger. She had left it here one night after sleeping over. That night wasn't so long before the night she almost died. I wonder if she misses it? The ruby catches the light magically as I stare into its deep color. My admiration is put to a halt as my phone screeches for me to answer it.

"Hello?" I ask with a whisper not to wake up Jacky. My other hand plays around with Taylor's ring as I direct my attention to my second best friend.

"You know what I'm going to say," she chuckles. Sloane has called every day since last week to try and persuade me.

I breathe a sigh of annoyance out and grumble, "You were almost late. I was beginning to think you were actually going to leave me alone. Never mind that, though. Guess what I just found? Your sister left her ring here a while ago and well I just found it." I hear Jacky stir on my bed and try to think of a way to cut the conversation short.

"Hmm, I'm sorry you had to be reminded of her. However, you're going to have to get over that so you can come with me tomorrow." Sloane sounds like a devilish school girl and I do not like it.

"For the last time I'm not coming with you. Go have fun with your sister and everyone. You don't need me. Can I at least give you this ring though, to give back?" My voice sounds defeated and a little bit shaky. I've made up my mind. I'm not going.

Sloane doesn't speak on the other end but then surprises me by saying, "Why don't you just return it yourself? There you go, there's her birthday present."

"No."

"Lily, yes."

"Sloane, leave me alone."

"Please?" she pleads.

And there it was. Sloane had never really asked anything of me before and now she is. Whatever her motives are and whatever she has planned, I can at least entertain her craziness because she has done so much for me. What's one night with my ex girlfriend? I'm not a five year old.

"Fine." I hang up the phone as fast as the word comes out. The ring presses into my palm and I start to think that Taylor put some curse on it to fuck up my rational mind. This is going to go so bad.

"Where are you going?" Jacky immediately asks as I throw the phone on my blanket. Her long legs swing over the side to finally get up. I roll my eyes and continue to retrieve my suitcase from under my bed. I feel her arm wrap around my abdomen and suddenly I feel like an asshole. Her lips find my bare shoulder which causes me to melt into her embrace. "Are you going to leave me?" she whispers against my skin.

I shake my head, "I'll only be gone for a couple days." I throw a t shirt in the case and try to stay focused.

"You know that's not what I meant," she sighs, "I can't lose you." Her fingers trace a random pattern over my tank top.

Jacky's displays of affection are never this needy and vulnerable. "I just need to give something back to someone who doesn't deserve to be in my life."

(Taylor's POV)

When I did my last show before my mini break, I put my all into and maybe even bled a little. Of course the reaction was nothing but positive and the fans have been talking about it non-stop. I guess I found a little magic left to put on one last great show in Canada. Now, with my birthday party tonight, I can fully relax and just be a normal human. I can drink without worrying about being too hungover, I can have a conversation with people who don't just make money off of me, and I can sleep for longer than five seconds.

We all arrived at LAX this morning with tired eyes and empty stomachs. Alie was put on food duty while the guys grabbed the luggage. I was more interested in where my sister and Ebony were. Apparently, they would be on the same airplane. The plan was for everyone else to go to the beach house and we were supposed to wait until it was my time to arrive. The party wasn't a surprise or anything, just very structured. I guess that's what happens when Sloane Momsen is in charge.

Alie and I had taken a trip to some shopping mall in Malibu so that we could kill time but still be close to our destination. I had been getting adorable messages and videos from fans all day. My birthday was definitely turning out alright so far minus the sleep deprivation. If I could just make it to my party without passing out, this day might just turn out alright. I feel like a Sim with someone else controlling my life and they forgot to put me to bed. That or they're purposefully trying to kill me.

We definitely hit our limit when Alie could not hold a single more bag. She was oversaturated with Chanel and YSL. Although things still weren't ideal, Alie and I were able to converse like old friends and chuckle at some past stories on the road. We were getting there. I looked at my clock and realized it was about time we started getting ready for the party anyway.

As we stepped out of the shiny black truck to the sidewalk, I took a deep breath for the unknown. I know I'm going to get fucked up tonight and I know my sister is going to be there to witness it. I question whether or not she's ready to be immersed into the world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. However, she is but a tourist catching a glimpse of the phenomenon while I live it. She's getting older.

I also brace myself for Ebony and those long legs that always send me to some magical world. I'd like to maybe push for something tonight but I'll be drunk and she'll be Ebony. I don't even think that girl gets horny.

Putting my worries in a little jar for later, I finally reach the door and twist the knob. Slowly, I push the door open waiting for the shock. "Happy Birthday!" The lights turn on and every single person I love or admire stands before me. Everyone... including Lily Lane. Well she does not fit into the guest list I pictured.

With my face resembling a fish, Sloane swings around the people to grab me in her arms. My body tenses up and for some reason this party doesn't seem all too fun anymore. "Surprised?" Sloane smiles. Her eyes seem to twinkle as her body radiates excitement. She looks like a Cheshire cat. She really must have lost her mind.

I nod my head reluctantly and find that fake smile.