Back to Black (girlxgirl)

Hero

I stayed true to my word and arranged a meeting for Taylor and Rachelle some time in October. The girls really hit it off and had an amazing jam session that I had the privilege of listening to. Taylor seemed so impressed by Rachelle's talent and even said she'd forward Rachelle's information to The Pretty Reckless' management. Personally, I would have never thought Taylor would have been so friendly and open. She was reluctant when I asked about the meeting but that changed when Rachelle sang her first note.

Taylor also stayed true to her word and started dating Ebony. It didn't surprise me that the two had finally gotten together because they really are a perfect match. Obviously they're both flawless but I think the "maturity" I didn't seem to fully have and my innocence really put Taylor in a different place. Now, she's dating a law student with a steady job. I may also be a student but I can barely figure out how to heat up my ramen without calling Jacky to help.

I can see them going far which is what I hope for. Albeit, Ebony is an asshole. I guess two assholes go great together.

I've had a lot of time to think about my own relationship and realize that Jacky and I are in the comfortable stage. Everything is going fine, but it doesn't feel like I'm discovering anything new anymore. There's no more spark when we touch or butterflies from her voice.

I do love her, though which currently has me helping her study for a math test in her room. Her roommate left hours ago to do her own studying which left me trapped with this crazy woman. Her midterm is tomorrow which means she is totally strung out. "Jacky, how many more times do we have to go over this?"

"Like at least ten!" The harsh light in her dorm room makes me squint my eyes. I just want to sleep.

I slump my head onto her desk and groan, "You're going to do great. Besides, I have my own midterm to study for. Don't forget that I'm also a student."

"Why are you being like this? I just want to pass. Do you have somewhere better to be..." she trails off.

I look at her as if she she'd just told me she likes men. "Are you being serious right now? I have been here for four hours helping you."

Jacky throws her book on the bed and glares at me. I momentarily shy away but then remember that she isn't as tough as she tries to be. "I'm just saying, you hang out with your roommate a lot. You don't see me going to movies with Tara."

I stand up and tower over her. My nostrils flare in anger. "Tara is odd. Listen, Rachelle and I are really getting along. We listen to the same music and she thinks I'm cool. Leave it alone."

As the air conditioner whirs in back of us, I swear its like she turns into another person because her hand is on my wrist with a terrifyingly strong grip. "She only likes you because she wants to get close to Taylor. Or, are you just using her so that you have an excuse to see Taylor?" I sometimes wonder if she's ever been in a relationship before me. If so, I'm starting to see why it never worked out.

As calmly as I possibly can, I stare into her troubled eyes and say, "I swore I'd never let another person touch me like this again. You have five seconds to let me go." She looks down at her grip on me and loosens it but doesn't let go. I take a deep breath and pull my arm from her prickly grasp. Her hand falls to her side and the pain on my wrist feels like blazing fire.

I slowly back away from her; my gaze doesn't waver. I finally shake my head in disbelief and turn my back on her to leave. She doesn't protest or even call my name; no doubt she's wondering what my words meant. With a slam of the door I leave Jacky and another abusive relationship behind.

The next day, I had to carry on like nothing happened. The weirdest thing was that it didn't affect me nearly as much as when Taylor had hurt me. When she did it I truly felt abused. I felt like the one person I trusted everything with took it and crushed it. When Jacky hurt me last night, it felt like a stranger was getting too touchy with me. I don't know what that means necessarily but now isn't the time to find out.