Back to Black (girlxgirl)

Bad Excuse

Sloane rushed from some theatre class to meet me at a Starbucks not too far from the position I called her from. I had told her we could just meet when she was done, but apparently I sounded "hysterical." If anything, I sounded calm due to my very rational request. Any other person in my situation would be way more creeped out by this. I just find the situation to be rather odd, is all. That Ebony woman didn't even run after me! With her whole foreboding message to stay away from Taylor though, maybe she really meant business. While I'll admit that I'm not afraid of Alie, that chick appears much more intimidating.

I sit at the brown grainy table with shaky hands that won't seem to calm down. The scene from before keeps playing in my head like a horror movie that I wish I could press 'stop' on. It's as if the movie IT from my childhood that Nick always forced me to watch keeps popping up in my conscience without warning. Only, the clown is much prettier. "Lily, are you alright?" Sloane's soothing voice takes me back to the coffee shop and just in time. My finger nails had started to scratch into the wood leaving ugly marks.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," I lie, "just a bit confused is all." Sloane sits across from me and plops her purse next to her. If I'm right, it's the new Marc Jacob which I can only assume was a little present from her loving sister. Sloane finally settles in and waits for me to elaborate. I didn't really tell her why I'm so shaken up on the phone. It probably would have helped. "Do you know an Ebony?" I throw the question out as if I just asked Sloane if she's pregnant.

Her eyebrows knit together for mere seconds before she responds, "I'm inclined to say yes but I'd also like to know why you even know such a name?" She places her delicate hands on the table and folds them as if in a business meeting. The sunshine from outside illuminates the dark interior of the café, forcing me to squint when looking at Sloane. Maybe, I shouldn't have sat so close to the window.

I clear my throat and take on a more innocent voice, "Well I just met her. It turns out that Taylor's new bff and I work together. She spilt her coffee on me this morning and to make a long story short, I saw her and Taylor texting."

Sloane continues to look confused, "So what's the problem, you're mad that my sister made a friend? One that won't stab her in the back. Give her a break Lily, why do you even care so much?" Completely astonished, I've never seen Sloane become so heated over something. I fully expected her to sympathize with me. Still composed, her features remain the same but her tone is as bitter as the coffee around us.

Her jabbing questions warrant the truth. I try my best but it all spills out. "I um...that's not what I was trying to say. I guess I just didn't expect to meet someone so beautiful who seemed to have made Taylor happy. I mean, I only saw one message but she seemed to really like Ebony. I was caught off guard. Plus, she went all bossy on me telling me to stay away from Taylor. Isn't that Taylor and I's decision? If I want to see her, hell, I will," I find myself admitting. It's just Sloane; she makes me tell it all. After I take a deep breathe she grins like the creepy cartoon Grinch. Surely, a light bulb pops in her head.

I sit back in my chair and cross my arms over my chest. I hate seeming so vulnerable. "So basically you're jealous and angry that Ebony told you what to do?" she laughs.

"I don't see why this is comical but yes, it appears that way," I grumble. Sloane rifles through her bag on the floor before drawing a small cardstock paper. She places the glossy rectangle in front of me. "What's this?" I ask. I pick it up and study the text. With black lettering and nothing else, an invitation to Taylor Momsen's 22nd birthday party sits in my hand. The date is set for her birthday, one week from now. Of course, that's what they were texting about.

"Come with me?" Sloane pleads. I look to the side and ignore her for a few seconds. Maybe if I pretend like she isn't here, she'll actually vanish. To my dismay, my eyes turn back to a beaming Sloane that is still waiting for an answer.

I throw the card in front of her, "No." Her arm reaches out and manicured fingers grasp onto my hand. She doesn't let go.

A puppy dog pout is in full effect as her brown chocolatey eyes beg for me to say yes. "I need a date. Be my date."

"Oh I'm sorry, are both the Momsen sisters gay now? Go find some guy to take you, I'm busy that day," my attitude attracts a raised eyebrow from her. She waits for me to elaborate. "I've got this thing with my girlfriend because you know, I have a girlfriend."

Sloane laughs, "Yeah, when was the last time you've seen her? Was it like three weeks ago?" She definitely gets her sass from Taylor. In truth, I have nothing to do that day, but that doesn't mean I want to spend my time celebrating the birthday of my ex. I'd rather give a cat a bath. "You are so lying Lily. Just come with me, I'm sure the band would love to see you."

That was a low blow. She knows how close I became with Taylor's band mates and best friends. Her tactics are turning dirty. "Sloane I'm not going. End of story." I kick at the ground and push myself out of my seat. I just know if I stay any longer Sloane will make an offer I can't refuse.

As I head for the door, I hear her call out, "I'll call you with more details!" I shake my head and slide into the busy crowd, returning back to my job and hopefully not running into that that crazy psycho woman that Taylor calls her new friend.

(Taylor's POV)

Far enough into Canada, I've been getting terrible home sickness. I've grown sad and afraid- there might be a place for me when I go back. Everyone continues their life while I'm stuck in this continuous routine. Will my sister look different? Are there new flowers planted in the garden outside my apartment? Unlike sea sickness, I can't just take a little pill to make it all of this better. Arguably, there are many pills I can take to make me feel "better" but I'm staying clean, right?

Every day, I lose my sanity a bit more to this touring life. I've tuned my body to perform and that's it, a robot on stage. I mostly stay in the bus now because going out is just too tedious. When Jamie brings back girls and I hear them having a great time, I turn the volume up higher on my IPod to drown out the happiness. Even Ben has been having a better time than me.

With my birthday a week away, my body and mind craves a small break to just chill out and see my sister. Ebony may also be attending but that's a minor detail. I flick my lighter on and off as we drive to our next venue. Open road and green trees whir b the bus window, all blending together. There's really nothing to do unless I want to involve my bus mates. Solitude is my friend.

Sighing and throwing the lighter somewhere off into the distance, I check my phone for any messages or calls. Surprisingly, there is one message from Ebony. It's a simple "hey" but something so casual is needed right now. I send her back my own greeting and hope she's near her phone. Deciding that I'll kill time by going on Instagram, I open the app and scroll through the updates.

Jenna has a new dog, Jamie posted a photo of the landscape from the bus, Chris Cornell posted an old touring photo, and my aunt got a manicure. The problem with this app is that everyone has such mundane lives but still feel the need to share them with the world... excluding Chris because he's Chris. A notification pops up with another text from Ebony just as I scroll past one last photo. My heart sinks from Lily's recent post.

It's her and who I'm assuming to be her girlfriend. The two have entangled limbs on Lily's bed with their lips attached. I can easily see the lust and passion behind every detail of the moment captured. Lily's golden hair hides most of her face while Jacky's fingers gently lift her delicate jaw. My own fingers burn from the memory of her soft skin being suspended by them. It's too hard to deal with so like my lighter, I toss my phone off somewhere to find later. A joint sounds really good right about now.