Funny Story

Healing Trip

"Come on, you guys!" Mai yells "We're already late!" "Guys we don't have to do this." Says Archie who is the reason behind this impromptu trip. "We gotta get her out of your mind Archie...going to Chicago would be so fun!" Tea says, comfortingly massaging his shoulder which looks a bit comical since she is tiptoeing to reach his height.

"Oliver! Alex!" Mai shouts. "Also, not Chicago, salt- lake- city" Mai enunciates to Tea. Oliver comes through the door grabbing his three suitcases hastily. "Labrador" he screams! His cat walks to him swiftly. Yes, labrador is the name of his cat.

"Why do you need three suitcases?" Archie asks, giving him a hand. "They're for labrador." He huffs.

Sometimes, it feels like he treats his cat better than he treats, well...himself.

Alex comes shortly after, with just a plastic bag of her underwear. "Let's roll, you guys!" She says, putting her sunglasses on. Mai quickly takes her underwear and stuffs it inside her handbag.

As the gang come out to the front porch, they are greeted by an old dingy vehicle. "Ooh, mom got us a sex van!" Jokes Alex, earning laughs and hi-fives from the gang to which Mai rolls her eyes, "This is the most I could arrange within 3 hours." She says, unlocking the van with her keys.

"Shotgun!" Tea yells which is followed by a bunch of "damn its" from everyone. See, its not that they wanted to drive...its just that, tea kind of sucks at being the driver. No one even knows how she got her license. "Tomorrow's headlines: Model and friends die in a creepy sex van after Model goes through a breakup." Alex says.

"You guys! This thing has side mirrors!!" Tea says excitedly. "But all vehicles have a side mirr-" "Oh my god, and this mirror? Is it so that I can see you guys?" Tea asks, excitedly, fixing the rear view mirror. "How much publicity do you think those headlines will get?" Archie whispers to Alex, while the rest scramble to find a seat belt.

The van starts suddenly to which everyone shrieks. "Let's go!" Tea hollers. Mai and Alex say a prayer before they hit the main road. Half way through the journey, suddenly Tea stops the van and Oliver and Alex jolt up from their slumber, Mai removes her earphones, Archie removes his glasses, and the cat, well she's just asleep on Oliver' lap. "What's wrong?" Oliver asks, rubbing his eyes. "I think we're getting pulled over." Tea says, looking at the side view mirror.

An inspector knocks on the window and Tea kind of just, looks away? "Tea what are you doing? Open the window!" Archie urges. She rolls down the window slightly, "Yes officer?" She bats her eyes. "May we check the van, miss?" The officer asks. "Sure, do you want us to get down?" She asks. "No, that's alright...we'll just do a quick check and be out of your hair" she says. Tea closes the window again.

After what seemed like forever, the officer knocked again at the window. Tea rolls the window down fully "yes officer?" She bats her eyes. "Is she trying to flirt?" Alex whispers to Archie who has put his sunglasses back on. "She's your sister, shouldn't you know?" He replies.

"We found this can in your trunk, what is it?" "Oh, that? It's my grandma." Says tea. "WHO?" The gang yells in surprise. "Yeah, yeah those are my nan's ashes. I carry it everywhere! for good luck!" Says tea. To which the gang hesitantly says, "oh-oh yeah!" The officer looks slightly bewildered but keeps the can back in the trunk and taps the van, signalling that they were in the clear.

"Tea? Both our nans are still alive." Says Alex. "Really? Then, what is that?" Tea replies.

At around noon, everybody started whining and got hungry. "Mai, can you please search for a restaurant nearby?" Tea asks. "I think my stomach may eat itself." Alex says. "Well, I'm not getting any signal so why don't you just keep driving and we can stop if there's something on the way." Mai suggests and everybody groans.

After half an hour of driving, with everyone desperately looking at the window hoping to find a place or a thing to eat, tea yells, "Guys, there's a squirrel!" The gang gives an unenthusiastic "ohh!" "No I mean, that could be our lunch! We've never had squirrel meat!" She squeals. "You know actually that doesn't sound like a bad idea-" Oliver starts and there's a loud belching sound. Alex is vomiting inside labrador's little kitty litter box.

"Okay, that's it! Pull over!" Mai orders. "What about lunch?" Archie asks, holding Alex's hair back. "We will walk." Mai replies. "Everybody, out!" She orders and everybody almost falls out the van after opening the door. She taps Alex on the back. "You good, honey?" She asks to which Alex replies with a weak smile.

They walk towards nowhere hoping to find a place to eat. "The squirrel idea doesn't seem so bad now, huh?" Tea asks. Alex covers her mouth. "Stop! Look what you're doing to Alex!" Oliver squeaks.

"Who's that?" Archie asks. They all turn in his direction to see a man with a chef hat holding a signboard which says 'Seving food 24/10' at the corner of the road. Despite the questionable spelling and overall saying of the signboard, the gang decides that it's their best bet.

They throw their hands on each others shoulders and walk towards the diner. A young waiter comes to them to take their order. "Sirs and maams, shall I take your order?" He asks. They take a look at each other and ask for a minute before they can tell their order. The diner has a single hanging light, and some drawings on the walls. There's chalkboard which has, "Welcome to diner's' scrawled on it with a single item under the 'today's special' which is eggs and bread.

The thing is, the items in the menu are well, 'exotic' items. "Rabbit foot?" Alex whispers to the group. "Wait, I was too busy staring at 'octopus balls'" Archie says. "What even?" Mai asks. "Hey! There's squirrel cake!!" Tea says excitedly.  "Wait, there's chicken!" Oliver says. They all crowd around his menu. "But then, it says 'no wings, breast, legs, thigh pieces'" Mai replies. They sigh. Archie calls for the waiter. "Yes sirs and maams?" He asks. "Um, is there like normal rice?" He asks. The waiter laughs. For a long time.  He answers, "no." "We'll take eggs and bread." Mai says, snapping her menu card shut. "Sounds delicious, great choice!" He replies leaving the gang slightly scared.

After about 30 seconds, 5 waiters come, with plates of toasted bread and a bunch of hard boiled eggs. "ENJOY YOUR MEAL" they sing like a choir and bow and leave. "THANK YOU!" Tea sings back. The rest of the gang is too tired to react to any of the weirdness that is surrounding them and everybody just eats.

After about 5 more hours on the road, they reach Utah. "Okay, Oliver where is this place?" Tea asks. "Wait? We're going to your place?" Archie asks. "Yeah, my parents have a holiday home here, remember?" "Wasn't it in Netherlands?" He asks. "Yeah they have one there as well, we have homes in- "Salt lake city, Manhattan, Netherlands and Rhode Island" the rest of the gang finishes for him.

After a few minute of driving around, the group finds Oliver's family home. It's a cottage with a huge front lawn neatly trimmed, a water fountain in the middle of it. A board outside the house read, "Welcome to the Chicks' residency with a picture of the girl band, Dixie chicks.

In front of the door, there was a basket of flowers and chocolates with a note that read, "have a wonderful time dear Alex, Tea, Mai and Archie-----love, Mr and Mrs Chicks.

"Did they- forget my name in that?" Oliver asks, adjusting his glasses.