Mizuena book except I lost motivation and now it's basically a one shot book

⭒☆ Magical words under a sparkly sky ☆⭒ 🌾

Friday, 6th September

Ena pov:

"I hate you!" I yell as I slam the door to my bedroom. I hear my dad sigh as his heavy footsteps get quieter and quieter. I immediately fall to the ground with my back pressed against the wall and my legs tucked in between my arms and my knees hugging against my chest. My body felt so heavy and empty, almost like my organs had been replaced by cold, hard rocks. I could feel all the cold, heavy tears falling down my face and onto my uniform, leaving a trail of saturation across my face.

I've been trying to avoid that man recently because I knew this would happen. It's like I can't even walk past him without him trying to bring up how talentless I am. I looked up and noticed one of my unfinished paintings standing on an easel, looking down on me and basically saying "Look what you did to me! If only you actually knew how to do art." I got up from the sitting position and pushed over the easel. Obviously I didn't mean to, it was just an impulse. I took the unfinished painting and scrunched it into a ball. To be honest, it looked better that way.

As I continued to cry, the feeling of rocks in my stomach became more and more intense. All I could feel was emptiness. A stone had formed in my throat which caused many problems within the strange and somewhat disgusting system I'm forced to call my body. My breathing had become restricted, forcing me to gasp for air any time I wasn't sobbing. The stone was blocking a long, intense, gutted scream that had been forming in my stomach for the past couple years, begging to be let out of its prison.

It felt like my body was creating cries to try and force the stone out of my throat, but no matter how loud, long or intense the cries were, the stone stayed still, leaving me with no choice but to put up with the pain I felt throughout my body.

I tried everything I could to try and remove this excruciatingly painful feeling from my body, but not amount of crying, yelling or throwing was helping. After years and years of pain being built up, it was finally becoming too much. I've obviously had moments in the past where I would cry or have anger outbursts, but this time was way more than just a few silent tears. Soon, hitting pillows turned into hitting myself and I began getting desperate, searching for any way that could even slightly lessen the pain.

Half out of impulse and half out of choice, I reached for the pocket knife that I always kept in my pocket. Next thing I knew, I was staring at blood dripping off my arms. It all happened so fast, and I didn't feel even a small amount of physical pain as it happened. climbed onto my bed and took a tissue from the side table next to me. As I soaked up all the blood, I started feeling stinging, but atleast it helped to kind of take my mind off of everything else.

Even though it was only 10:30 pm, I decided to try and go to sleep, figuring that I might feel a bit better in the morning, even though I knew tomorrow would probably be the exact same as today. Who knows, maybe I won't even wake up. I lied still in bed, holding my knees tightly towards my chest. I could hear trees rustling in the wind, the occasional car driving by, and my quiet weeps which I tried to keep in.

As expected, the pain I was feeling, as well as the fact that I usually go to sleep around 6 hours later than this, caused me to be wide awake. There was no point in trying to sleep right now because all it was doing was forcing me to think about my stupid, disappointing, talentless self, which in turn only made me feel worse.

In this moment, I just wanted to get away from this house, just for a little bit. I grabbed a small bag and put a few items in it. My phone, my headphones, water, and my pocket knife. I opened up my window and jumped out. I could already feel a sense of freedom wash over me.

It was only a short walk to where I wanted to go, but I needed something to drown out my thoughts. I put on my headphones and started playing my playlist which consisted of Mitski, Kikuo, YOASOBI, Ado and many others.