Finding Ourselves

emotional connect

Shehnaaz scribbled down things on a page, unsatisfied by what she had written she crumbled the paper and threw it. She had thrown many such pages messing up her room. She sighed as she wasn't getting any ideas for her script. She took her bowl of wafers and sat on the bed as she watched some show on Netflix. She woke up late this morning as she was exhausted. Ate her breakfast and noticed Siddharth back to his bossy mood. He had been completely different yesterday, consoling her as she had a nightmare. The caring soul had turned into monster, that's the way she called him in the morning. Attending calls, checking emails, instructing his employees and greeting her without a smile. Siddharth was a difficult person to deal with.

"Cabir isn't going to come?" She asked as they had their breakfast.

"By evening." She hummed in response.

"I am going to start freelancing today. I know it's not needed information for you but I felt like sharing it with you."

"That's great. All the best." He said before leaving making her smile a bit.

Shehnaaz kept munching her snacks absent mindedly. Though she had too much work to be completed she stayed watching the show. She was surprised when she got a phone call from her mother. "Hi, mama." She greeted pausing the show she was watching.

"Where are you beta? You didn't even message me. "

"I am fine mom. I am at a safe place. Actually I didn't want to take up any work right now."

"But aise kaise chalega Sana? You know how many people from industry are visiting us right now. Everybody wants to know when you are going to come back. Everyone is approaching your father, asking if you are going to work or if you have failed in your job." Shehnaaz pursed her lips listening to her.

"But maa, I need some time. I will get back to work but abhi I need time for myself."

"Reputation of your dad is important beta. You will have to start working."

"I went for auditions ma, but after the marriage breakout news, it's difficult to find director who wants to cast me."

"All I say is that you have to start working soon. There are people who are-"

"Maa apko log kya kagenge iski chinta hai lekin aap meri bato ko samjna hi nahi chahte. I am working hard to get a job. Do you even know what I went through because I was looking for a job like crazy the day before?" Shehnaaz stopped speaking as she knew her mom won't listen to her. Even if she said the happenings she would be concerned about what society will speak about the incident.

"Maa, please don't call me if you want to inform me how concerned the world is about my life. Aap call tab hi karna if you want to speak to your daughter and listen about her whereabouts." Shehnaaz cut the call and held her head. She sighed as she breathed sharply. It wasn't a new thing, that's how she was brought up. To put forward the opinions of the society before her priorities.

She took her phone again rethinking of calling her mom. She was rude but not wrong, after all she is her mother. But then put off the thought of calling and kept her phone aside not before silencing it. She placed the bowl on the table too and decided to sleep to avoid over thinking about the situation and what she was doing in life. She was herself confused by the happenings and her thoughts weren't getting her no where.

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Siddharth entered the house at 9:40. He didn't  have a good feeling thought the day, something felt off. Though he had cracked a deal that he had been working on for months, he felt a void. He walked in the house and asked the maid to give him a glass of water.

"Shehnaaz?" He asked the maid.

"Mam hasn't come out since morning." She informed and left taking the glass from him.