Finding Ourselves

unspoken fears

Shehnaaz rubbed her eyes lazily floating between sleep and reality. The sunrays fell over her face, touching the beautiful curves of her skin. She clutched the duvet close to herself as she was reminded of the previous night. She peeked in finding herself naked. "Fuck." She muttered against her breath as she recalled everything, the reasons why Siddharth approached her and the kiss. She knew there would be news floating all around the media about how she has been dumped by Siddharth. Her gut twisted by the fact that there would be mean gross comments made on her. She felt stupid that in the moment yesterday she let go of Siddharth's mistakes so easily. Where was he? Whatever he said last night was just an act? Tears welled in her eyes feeling betrayed yet again.

"Sana." She heard a stern voice call as he walked in the room holding two cups. His eyes wandered over her face and squinted as he found tears brim at edge of her eyes. He noticed her hold the duvet close to her. He placed the cups of coffee over the nearby table and unbuttoned his shirt handing it to her. She took it and wore it hesitantly. Siddharth noticed a hickey over her right boob, dark maroon just over her tit. He pursed his lip and averted his gaze. Shehnaaz noticed his gaze, a red hue spread across her cheeks.

"I made coffee for us." Siddharth mumbled as he watched her reach out to the cup, pushing the oversized shirt till her elbow.

"Us?" Shehnaaz muttered her lips widen, masking the suprise and strange feelings she sipped her coffee.

"For both of us." He corrected. Shehnaaz noticed how his voice broke as he covered up finding the right words. It amazed her as she had never witnessed his nervous side.

"Whatever I have done, I am sorry." His voice sounded firm yet vulnerable. His eyes wandered over her face hoping that she would forgive him. Shehnaaz looked elsewhere but not at him as if her mind whirled with thoughts. He leaned closer to her but Shehnaaz placed her hand over his chest stopping him come close to her.

"No." She mumbled. Her voice was soft yet so firm. Her eyes trailed back to watch his which seemed hurt.

"Sana." He muttered helplessly.

"I...I need time." She said trying to find the right words as she took off her palm from his chest. "It's too much. I have to handle a lot of things now. The trolls, my family, my fans. I don't know how am I going to deal with all these. I didn't expect to be hurt by you, Sid. I never expected that. I need some time."

Siddharth watched her as she spoke. His heart twisted with fear of she getting away from what they had formed all these days. It was pure, beautiful and safe.

"I can help you deal with it." Siddharth said. "I will make a public statement and ask that girl to apologize to me in public. And about those trolls of yours maybe we could say that we are in a relationship, that would end all that." Siddharth said getting back to his bossy tone as he stood up from the bed and adjusted his blazer looking at the mirror.

"That would complicate things." She voiced out.

"Atleast that would stop trolls and your family concerns. And one more thing, the contract stays amid all these things. It's a contract that we agreed upon." Siddharth said sternly as he looked straight into her eyes. She nodded her head curtly as she watched him leave the room.

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Days had rolled by, and the news of Shehnaaz Shah and Siddharth Malhotra being in a relationship had taken the industry by storm. The media buzzed with constant speculation, but things had calmed down considerably after the girl who had kissed Siddharth publicly apologized. Her public apology had silenced the trolls and naysayers, and though the public eye had moved on, the silence between Shehnaaz and Siddharth remained.