Kurokawa's Journal

Entry Seven : Assassination

she wasn't there, she wasn't listening.

there was no way she could be there, and there was no way she could listen, but it was still comforting to try and convince myself that she was there in some way. maybe her spirit was still here somewhere. i can't imagine how sad her spirit would be if i wasn't there telling her about my day, and even if i have no proof of her spirit being real, i might as well talk to her anyways.

i told her about rey, rey hendrix. i told her that i was sure he was previously in the miracles. i made sure to emphasize the previously part, in case sumiye had forgotten that she was dead. who knows, maybe her spirit was real and she thought i just couldn't hear or see her?

i told her about how he had showed up at my shop, unlike any other person, but this time he had felt more real. i told her that he didn't just leave a slip of paper, he went back to find me and talk to me. i told her about the sound of his footsteps, and then his appearance in the doorway. i told her i was admittedly a little worried. i elaborated, and said that i was worried because he was a cis man, because i knew if she was alive she would ask me why i felt worried, considering rey was a friend of hers when she was alive.

i told sumiye about how he had said my name. he said my name, my name, not our surname. i reiterated that i had nothing wrong with our surname, i was just upset that nobody ever knew my name and only knew our name as a duo. i told her that it always felt that i was just sumiye's sibling, one of the ryuu siblings. i then apologized for trailing on about something, and i pictured sumiye laughing at me, and couldn't help but laugh a little as well. i pictured her smiling, and i smiled back, before telling her to stop smiling so i could focus.

the dirt in front of me was vacant.

my smile slowly faded at the realization of the vacancy across from where i sat. i took a deep breath, and continued speaking. i told her about the conversation we had, then about my journey to his office and the zombies i encountered. i told her i felt badass with the wind blowing in my face. i told her about our session and how it felt surreal, how it felt great talking to someone other than her, then i apologized and laughed a little. i told her i wanted to go back again. i told her i felt really happy. i told her i didn't think i'd ever feel happy after her death, i told her that i thought i would be stuck forever. i stared at her name engraved in the stone, her name written by my own hands.

i walked home after talking my sister's non-existent ears off. all i seemed to have done today was talk, and talk, and talk, but i was okay with that. i felt good. it felt unusual, yeah, to feel good, but it felt nice.

when i got home i slept. i slept soundly. i slept with a mind clear, yet not too clear, because i still felt something, so clearly my mind wasn't completely clear. there was something there, and it felt... good. i felt happy, i felt like i had just experienced a good day. i felt relieved, relieved of what, i had no clue. i felt happy.

i woke up and i felt like i had a purpose. i spoke out loud a little, random words, whatever first came to my mind. i said a couple things, making sure that my voice was still there, and audible, and my voice was not gone. my voice was not gone, and my hand was honestly still partially numb. i could get some writing in but i felt eager, i felt excited, i felt happy for once. i wanted to go back to rey and have another session. i felt like it didn't even have to be a sad one, i just wanted to talk. i just wanted to speak. i just wanted to talk to someone.

i went back to rey's shop. i opened the door, entered and closed the door. i stood behind the counter and stared blankly, unsure if i should say anything to notify him of my arrival, or just stay silent. after a few moments, i saw rey's head peek out from behind one of the backrooms. he smiled, though, behind his mask. i could still see his smile, i think you could just tell from his eyes. he waved.