Experiment of the cursed walls (Dc Universe)

Dreams and Delusions

Mariyan POV

Insanity, what is insanity?

Maybe the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and yet expecting a different outcome.

Maybe it's being deluded enough to believe you can fight against the stream of life.

Or maybe it's just a word with a subjective definition.

My own definition is I feel like this entire world is insanity, everyday seeing people walking on the street, having fun or simply even breathing is enough to make you go insane because you wonder something, "How the hell do they do it?"

I mean it's not that I can't have fun but It's hard to imagine no one else thinks about death constantly. I don't fear death at all but it really makes everything you do feel meaningless and the only thing that gives me meaning is my prayer to my gods.

Or that's what I say to myself, truth is I am scared of pain and death and yet both intrigue me, like the aching that comes after a scratch and for death I cannot help but wonder what awaits me and at times...I hope that when I die I get to serve the gods because it would give me meaning.

They say the purpose of life is to make one for yourself, but what if you can't find a meaningful purpose to make, what then?

Writing stories, playing games and my superiority...It's all just me coping, even I realize that but damn no matter how much you realize it, it's hard to stop. Like an addict trying to break a drug addiction or an addiction in general.

And so now I can't help but look off into nothingness, staring at a wall, at food or even at my own hands and only a few thoughts come to mind "Am I alive?" Just in those few seconds it's as if I've lost all of what remains and like I am floating in a void.

I come back of course, I always do but those moments make me feel like a corpse, like an accursed undead searching for meaning in a dying and decaying world, dying over and over again just to repeat it.

"Hey" I feel a tap on my shoulder and snap out of my trance and look up from the couch to see Jane and just for a second I am a bit surprised as I forgot she was even here?

"You alright?" I nod and I am about to say something but I open my mouth without any idea or thought of what I was about to say and so i put my head back down before just licking my lips and sighing.

"No...I am not alright or maybe I am and I am just faking it...I don't know, sorry." I smile at her, trying to not come off as weird or strange and I wave my hand in a joking manner "What are you going to do when you are out of here?" She asks me and I look up, wondering where that question alone even came from.

"I told you, it's only fair you tell me" She is right, It's not like I have anything better to do anyway.

I look up and my mind goes blank, I can't think of a single thing at all "I don't know...I don't have that many life goals really, it all feels a bit meaningless in the end" I give her an honest answer and she sighs "I know that much about you, I mean just anything..." I look up and think to the best my abiity and the first thing that comes in my head is...A flurry of thoughts and desires from the most simple things like food and physical pleasure to more extreme things that make me laugh just a bit.

"Am I corrupted?" I ask myself but it comes out loud for her to hear and she looks at me with a questioning look "I...I don't like people, it's like...I always questioned if all of this is real I have these moments where I zone out and so much runs through my head to where It feels like I  am a character in a book that was just plopped midway through the plot and I am just confused with the only question I have for myself is-" before I can finish she moves fast and looks up at me "Why are thou here?" her words catch me off-guard but I nod in affirmation.