Life is but a Dream (Spike Spiegel x Reader)

Both Sides Now

WARNING: violence, angst
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The glow of Mars below illuminated the bridge.

Being off planet, there was another warning from Red Jack's, one that involved another destroyed ship. Already facing one loss, Jet wasn't ready for another. The ship was quiet, not a breath to be heard. Spike blinked slowly, feeling time moving at a glacial pace.

Spike's facade was on the ground in front of him, his vulnerability on full display.

He didn't cry. He tried to feel his heartache again, a lump constantly in his throat. After the last of his cigarette fell to the floor, Spike grabbed another one and lit it. No matter how many he had gone through, there was no sense of relaxation or relief with those cancer sticks.

He just wanted you back.

For all he knew, you could already be gone. They may have taken your life as soon as you stepped into their ship, but a part of Spike doubted that tremendously. Knowing just how adamant Jo was on seeking you out, she was definitely going to take her time in giving you a slow death.

Spike knew exactly what to do, but this time...he wanted to do it right.

Before, his mission to find out whether he was truly alive was just for the sake of himself. It was just all a horrible dream, finding there was nothing really out there to reach for, when the one thing that kept him going was gone. He didn't want to think he was doing it to die, but because of what he was taking down with him, he knew it was life or death.

But it was the thought that kept him unconscious, a memory of a peaceful slumber at the end of a sleepless night. All that dreaming just to wake up in hell. If that is what the afterlife was like, maybe he wanted to go somewhere better. Maybe to dream again.

To close his chapter, he had to take down the Red Dragon Syndicate with him. Taking all that he held close to him, it was only right that evil had to die, even if he was pulled down with it.

But for this, for you, he was wide awake. Ever since you walked into his life, he had been blinking slowly to comprehend the sights in front of him. He wanted to be sure you were real so badly. He hated himself for pushing you away at first. Even now, he didn't know why he did what he did, but as he tried to understand, all he could come up with was that he just knew how far he would fall for you.

He had to get you back.

Spike had worked it out in his head, where everything was to carry out his plan. The order in which he had come up with things was a solo mission. Red Jack's was minuscule compared to his home syndicate. The only thing holding him back was how those gunners were going to be destroyed.

As he lost himself in thought again, he heard the clicks of Faye's heels.

He could feel her gaze going from him to the planet below.

She cleared her voice. "I wouldn't have guessed she was part of a syndicate."

"No shit."

"Nah." Faye replied, fiddling with her nails. "She seemed too kind. Got the mysterious part down, but she was pretty much Snow White."

Faye didn't know if talking about any of this was helping. It was hard to tell what Spike was feeling most of the time, but taken the situation that they all found themselves in, it was pretty clear.