Yours Truly

Face to face alone

Jay: My bad, I was just trying to help you. I didn't mean to startle you.

Me: It's ok, it really is. I had a clumsy moment.

Jay smiled and passed me my keys.

Me: What are you smiling about? Me being a little clumsy is funny to you?

I giggled but quickly dropped my smile because my face started warming up. I told myself that there will be absolutely no blushing. You can say I'm playing hard to get but I say I'm protecting my heart. I'm not going down that rabbit hole with him or anyone else.

From what I could remember, Jay wasn't a bad guy. I just didn't want anything to do with a relationship and the cons that come with it.

Jay: Oh nah I wasn't laughing at you being clumsy. I just thought it was cute.

Me: Now that's different but I'm calling cap.

Jay sat down at the table so that he was right in front of me. He let out a soft laugh.

Jay: You got jokes and I'm not cappin'. I really do think it's cute.

Me: If you say so and thank you.

Jay: Your welcome.

We sat in silence for about 30 seconds. He sat there and gave me a look that made me fidget in my seat. I don't know what that was about but I was becoming uncomfortable. Not in a weird way but in a way that gave me butterflies. Having butterflies was uncomfortable to me because I knew that it opened the door to feelings over time.

Me: You know, I'm beginning to think that you're flirting with me.

Jay: If I am, would that be a problem with you?

Me: I mean...yes and no.

Jay: Care to elaborate?

Me: Well, yes because it can lead to other things and I'm not looking. No because a little flirting doesn't hurt I guess.

Jay: I understand. I can't help but to flirt with you though.

Me: Here you go with the game. Humor me. Why can't you help it?

I leaned forward on the table resting my chin in the palm of my hand.

Jay: I have no game at all. I mean your whole vibe is different. It's umm rare and I'm attracted to you.

Before I could respond, the waitress approached the table and took my order. Jay had already eaten breakfast so he didn't order anything.

Me: Wow, I'm honestly surprised that you'd be interested in me. I never saw that coming.

Jay: And why is that?

Me: Because you were in a serious relationship for years, moved away, started a family. I knew that you were gone. So to see you back home and confessing your interest, uh yea it's surprising.

Jay: You're right and I understand. I definitely didn't see myself here either but running into you, I didn't want to miss a possibility. Even if we just end up being friends, I'd be happy.

The waitress brought my food out and I started eating as I took in what Jay said. My mind was racing.

Me: Look, I'm going to be honest. I don't think I'll ever be ready for a relationship. After what happened to me, I closed the door to love all together. My life was almost taken because I thought it was "love".

Jay: If it's not to invasive, what happened?

I stopped chewing, looked down at my plate and felt a huge wave of comfort come over me. I don't know what it was but I felt like I could pour my entire life story to this man sitting in front of me. Talking to him was so easy and he made me feel safe.

Jay: I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me anything.

Me: No, you're totally fine. I just..this will be my first time really saying what happened and for whatever reason, I feel comfortable enough to tell you.

He gave a small warm smile.

The amount of food that I had wasn't a lot which was perfectly fine because my appetite had gone away. I asked the waitress for a to go box and my tab.

Jay: I'm glad that you feel comfortable. I know it's been years since we have been around each other and we now have to learn the adult version. When we talk, just know that this is a safe space for you and there will never be any judgement.

Me: Thank you for that. I'm surprised that I feel fine with being vulnerable with you. I definitely feel safe. You've been a good friend who listens. I remember that much from back in the day.

The waitress brought my tab back. Before she could place it on the table, Jay handed her his card to pay for my meal.

Me: Jay! No! It's ok...

Jay: Nah you're good. I gotchu.

I didn't want to be offensive so I didn't put up a fight about him paying.

I held my hands up to bow out.

Me: Okay okay. You got it. Thank you so much.

After everything was paid for, we went outside. The weather was perfect and we found a bench to sit on. I started from the beginning of my story and told Jay everything.

Jay: Wow! I'm just...I can't believe you went through that and in silence for so long.

Me: Yeeeaaa

Jay: So let me ask you this. Being that you went through that, how are you mentally? Are you sure you want to turn away from love completely?

Me: I mean mentally I'm okay. I don't dwell on it nor do I hold on to it anymore. As of now, I'm sure about saying no to love.

Jay paused and just looked at me.

I shifted in my seat.

Me: What?

Jay: Why close the door to love all together if you're not holding on to it anymore? Once you've let something go completely, your heart is free to love again.

That was a good point and something that I needed to really ask myself. I needed to dig deep within myself.

Me: That's a good question. That's something I need to dig deep about I guess.

Jay: Facts. What if you met your soulmate but because you've shut down, you haven't been able to recognize it or feel it? I know you're sensitive and pick up on a lot. You just don't say much.

I looked at him and slightly frowned because who told him that about me? How did he tap into who I was like that? 👀

I looked down at my phone to check the time and 3 hours had gone by quickly. I couldn't believe how smooth the conversation had been going. It felt good to have a conversation run as it did. It's been a long time since I've felt safe talking.

Jay was definitely easy going.

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Excuse all typos

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