As we sat on the bench I couldn't help but to look away every time Jay made eye contact with me. When he looked at me, it felt as if he was penetrating my soul in the most non invasive way. So far nothing felt forced. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few seconds until I spoke up.
Me: You asked me why close the door to love if I'm over my last situation, right?
Jay: Yea...
He shifted his body so that he was facing me, showing me he was interested in my response.
Me: Well, if I'm being transparent, closing the door keeps my heart protected. I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic who wore her heart on her sleeve. I rather not be hurt again.
Jay: I understand the protection. Do you want children one day?
Me: I do.
Jay: So how would you go about doing that by being closed off?
Me: I can't believe I'm telling you this but I'm comfortable.
I giggled at myself.
Jay: I'm happy to hear that.
Me: Well, I've decided to conceive through IVF and raise my child as a single parent.
Jay: This topic can lead to many rabbit holes but I'm not here to dissect your choice. I respect you for your honesty. I really do.
Me: Thank you for that. Whenever this topic comes up for me I'm always questioned or frowned upon and I'm tired of that. My thing is, people make weirder choices than that and it's almost never questioned. Anyway, that's where I am with it.
Jay: I hear you. I promise I do but I'll just say expect the unexpected. I feel like deep down inside, you still want true love. You just have to allow yourself to heal properly.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Jay: I said it already.
Me: I guess so. So, is there any other reason you came back home after your first relationship ended?
Jay: After it ended I needed to come back home to regroup, heal and find me again. After that I just felt that I needed to stay home.
Me: Do you miss New York?
Jay: Yea, I do. I miss my friends. Networking up there is much smoother than down here. It's almost like people here at home make things so difficult.
Me: Oh I see. I get what you're saying. I'm not sure what it is about Florida but they don't give that teamwork vibe. I do hair and the women are way toooo catty. That's why I travel instead of grabbing a booth.
Jay rubbed his hands together and smirked.
Jay: I feel you. I mean I do have a booth open at the shop..if you want it. No drama. No catty business.
I gave him the side eye and laughed.
Me: I'm not fooling with you and your open booth. Stop playing with me. Hahaha.
Jay: Aye, I'm not playing. It's open for real. Just let me know if you decide to.
I looked in a different direction and thought about it for a second. Naaaahhhhh there's no way that could work. I don't think we should work in the same building. I turned back to Jay.
Me: I appreciate the offer. That was really kind of you. I think I'm going to stick to just traveling.
His phone started ringing, he held up one finger to me and answered.
I looked down at my watch and I figured I'd be on my way. It felt really good outside but it was time to wrap up the conversation.
Jay: Sorry about that. That was my son. He was reminding me about his science project that has to be done.
Me: Oh no problem. This was nice. Go handle your business.
Jay reached out for my hand as we stood up. I hesitated to give him my hand at first.
He noticed right away.
Jay: I promise I don't bite...
I gave him my hand and as he held it, I regretted it instantly.
Jay: Thank you for this time and conversation. It was good to catch up with you a little bit. Maybe this won't be the last time. If you're ok with that.
I shifted my weight and I felt my hands getting sweaty. I stumbled over my words.
Me: I...I don't...we will see. Let's see if our schedules line up with each other.
Jay: Ok, no problem. It's no pressure at all. I just wanted you to know that I enjoyed today. Just let me know.
He let my hand go gently but kept the eye contact. I wanted to look away but it was hard. The intensity in his eyes was a mystery. A mystery that was kind of drawing me in. I couldn't allow that to happen.
Someone on skates passed by us and bumped me. On a normal day I would have been pissed but today wasn't normal. I needed out of the chokehold his eyes held me in.
Me: Absolutely. I enjoyed today too and I will let you know when I'm free. Have fun working on your assignment.
I giggled.
Jay: Oh I see you have jokes now huh?
Me: Who me? 🤭 neveeerrrr.
Jay: Anyway, drive safe. Let me know when you make it home safe.
Me: Thank you and I'll let you know when I make it. You do the same.
We walked our separate ways to our cars. Once I made it inside my car I checked my phone. I had just realized that my phone was dry. My phone is always going off and I didn't have a single notification. That was weird and almost as if someone turned my phone off so that there was no interruption.
As I sat in my car allowing it to warm up, I was processing everything that had just happened.
The entire conversation....
The intensity in his eyes....
The connection....that I felt immediately...
It felt like he figured out the combination to my lock.
My stomach was full of butterflies and that wasn't supposed to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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عاطفيةDeja Marie Hall lives her life carefree on the outside. She's always had everything...except for true love. You'd never think that it was trauma from her past that had her heart in a place of rejection. In her mind, the rejection was her way of prot...
