Severing Ties (Book 2. Ties)

20. Coward

My bare body lay on top of Tamonash's own exposed physique. I had done what I thought I had wanted to leave until after marriage, but I regretted nothing. I gave Nash that... uncorrupted... part of me. He loved me, so me doing that with him was special for him. And as much as I would remember that New Year of 2012, I knew he would remember it even more than me.

It was an hour and twenty minutes past midnight, and we were still in each other's arms with comfortable silence (aside from the noise downstairs). I flinched at the sound of my phone beginning to ring somewhere between my discarded dress on the floor and Tamonash's pile of clothes. For a second, I was unsure how to stand up without displaying my unclothed body, but I realized there was nothing to be ashamed of. Nash had let the words "I love you" escape his lips by accident in the middle of our 'activities.' Love is blind, so in his eyes I was beautiful... At least that was what I told myself at that moment, so I could get the courage to get out of bed in the nude.

So, I stood up and walked to where our clothes lay scattered on the floor with the purpose of answering the insistent phone. I kneeled down and retrieved my phone from one of the hidden pockets the best dress in the world had.

"Hello," I answered as I leaned back on my heels.

"Mackenzie, are you ready to go?"

"Fifteen more minutes and I will be."

"That's fine, darling. I'll be um... I don't know where; just yell out my name or something."

I snickered. "Okay, Mom, see you in a bit."

"Mhm," she mumbled.

I turned around, and Tamonash was staring at the ceiling. "I need to get dressed," I told him.

His head moved in my direction. His expression looked pained. That's odd. "Why did you let me do that," he asked with an accusing tone.

My confusion was palpable, but I still asked my concern out loud. "Do what?"

"What we did right now. We shouldn't have done that."

I could have sworn I saw red. Hastily, I put my undergarments back on; I needed some protection. "Oh so once you got your share of Mackenzie this was wrong? Okay," I sassed.

He sat up quickly. "No that's not what I am saying."

The dress I had just picked up was flung from my hands in exasperation. "Then what the hell are you saying, Tamonash?"

His answer should have been expected, but it still felt like a punch to the gut. "We shouldn't have done that because you don't love me."

I nearly slapped the bejeezus out of that boy... man, whatever he was. "I have enough feelings for you to have done this with you. Last time I checked, my virtue was intact until approximately an hour and a half ago. So, please don't do this guilt trip BS."

"But you're never going to love me as much as I..." He could not even finish the phrase. Coward.

"If you love me, then why can't you just say it?" I yelled with frustration.

"What's the point in telling you when you already know I do," he yelled back and lifted his body off the bed. "I fell so hard for you that I hadn't even realized I had. But anytime your mind spoke to me, I saw that boy's presence in there! What is the damn point of having to do anything with you when there's another you think about?"

I remained unfazed and concentrated on my next words. My feet moved me closer to where he had risen from the bed and stood in his perfect nakedness. Our eyes met, and I held his gaze with intensity. "Because he's not here," I said slowly.

______________

[Song: I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace

"I hate everything about you

Why do I love you?"]