Chapter 23

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Yesterday was a long and dreadful day for me. Hearing that Zano basically regrets having me in his life was a cut too deep. I made sure to avoid him like rash,I even skipped breakfast this morning.
Ozan called me to meet him for lunch and I gladly accepted because I really need to get away from this house.

I'm done bathing so I get started on my make-up. I do a full face beat because my eyes are swollen. I comb my hair and wrap around a headwrap on the front letting my brown curls fall to my back. I lotion my body and get dressed. I put on a spaghetti strap body hugging maroon dress and my clear heels. I put on a denim jacket over the dress to cover up my shoulders for the in-laws.

"I will be back soon Sisi and thank you" I say to Nokuzotha as I hug her.
She agreed to keep a close eye on the boys while I'm out.
"Don't worry just go and enjoy yourself,you deserve it" she says.
I walk to the garden where I'm told the boys are so I can give them kisses before I go.
To my surprise there is Siphephelo with his kids,Buhle,Muzi,Zano,Dudu and the boys. The kids are all playing  except Ndile who is sitting on his father's lap. It must be a couple's thing then I guess. Nokuzotha will also be joining them. How nice!
"Sanibonani"(Hello) I greet all of them.
"Yebo Sphe where are you going looking so beautiful?" Siphephelo asks.
I just smile at him and shake my head. I move closer to where Zano and Dudu are sitting.
"Hey baby mommy is going out for a bit,I will be back soon okay?" I say crouching next to Lwandile.
He nods his head.
"If you need anything please tell mama kaKhethi or gogo okay?" I say.
He nods again.
"I love you my baby" I say as I give him a tight squeeze and he giggles.
"I love you more mommy" he says kissing my cheek.
I kiss him on the forehead and get up from my crouching position.
"Try what you did last time and you will follow those two hooligans you hired" I say to Dudu.
I thought they were all going to reprimand me but they keep quiet. Zano and Siphephelo both look at Dudu.
"Babe I think Sphe is going crazy" she says to Zano.
"She looks perfectly fine to me" Zano says.
I can't help but smile he sees this and reciprocrates it. Lwandle runs to me and I hug and kiss him.
"Behave Lwandle!" I say as I walk away.

"The most beautiful woman on the planet" Ozan says as he hugs me.
"Oh you and your flattery" I say.
He pulls the chair for me and I sit down.
"I'm just telling the truth and how are you? You sounded down over the phone" he says after we place our orders.
I sigh. Where do I even begin?
"I thought being here was going to be easy but unfortunately nothing is" I say.
"The husband?" He asks.
"And the wife" I answer.
"Hey... You don't owe anybody shit okay? Your main priority is your children don't let the other factors get to you" he says squeezing my hand.
I give him a small smile and remove my hand from his as our food arrives. I wish I could tell him that I feel so broken because the only man I have ever loved regrets everything we had.

Ozan is such a precious soul,he gets my mind away from everything as we laugh and make jokes. We sit there for two hours just laughing and reminding each other of past memories.
"The boys' customised Armani suits are in my car,we will get them when we leave" he says.
"Armani Ozan?" I ask.
"What? You said nothing big so I compromised" he says laughing.
"I give up " I say laughing also.
My phone rings. Looking at the caller ID it's Zano.
"It's Zano I have to take this" I say to Ozan.
He nods and flags the waiter over.
"Hello" I answer the phone.
"Hey..."
"Are the boys okay?" I ask.
"Uhm... Yeah they are okay I was just calling to check if you are okay" he says.
I feel like I just took my first breath in forever. He cares about me.
"Yeah I'm okay,I'm driving back now" I say.
"Okay drive safely and please send me your live location on WhatsApp just to be on the safe side" he says.
"Yeah I will. Gotta go" I say and hang up without hearing his reply.

"Are the boys alright?" Ozan asks.
"Yeah he was just checking on me" I say as I gather my purse.
Ozan gives me the 'Oh really now' look.
"Why would somebody who doesn't have feelings for you anymore check up on you?" Ozan asks.
"Well... How am I supposed to know,I'm not him" I say as we walk out if the restaurant.
"He clearly wants you back" Ozan says.
That comment stops me in my tracks. After everything he said does he still want me back or Ozan is just exaggerating? He was just checking on me because the last time I went out alone I was kidnapped that's all.
"Are you even listening to me?" Ozan asks exasperated.
He must have been trying to get my attention while I was lost in my head.
"Huh?" I ask.
"You still love him don't you? No matter how much of a joke he turns you in to,your heart will always beat for him am I wrong?" He asks.
How do I explain the love potion I was fed the immediate moment I laid my eyes on Zano?
"Uhm... Do you ever stop loving your soulmate?" I ask not at all sure on how to answer his question.
"Why am I here? To show him that he is replaceable?" He asks.
"What? No way! Ozan look this thing is never going to be easy but I want a future with you,I no longer want to look back I want to move forward. And I know that means me dealing with whichever feelings and facing them head on but I assure you,you are not a toy in some game" I say holding his.
But what if he is? My subconscious asks sipping on her mimosa.
He pulls me to his chest for a hug and then kisses me. I remember the first time I kissed him,it was in New York after a show. I had butterflies in my tummy because he was my crush. Now? Now I feel nothing like I'm kissing my own hand. I slowly break away from the kiss and step out of his embrace.
"What's wrong are you okay?" He asks.
I give him a smile.
"Yeah all is good let me get the suits so I can be on my way,it's a long drive back" i say.

By the time I get home it's already late. I gather the boys' suits and walk inside after locking my car. The entire drive back I was on the phone with my dad,he told me that they were requested to come by the Zulu elders.
"Awu Sisi I thought you are not coming back today" Enhle says and winks at me.
I laugh at her. She is setting the table meaning they haven't had dinner yet. I walk to the kitchen.

"Mommy!" The boys come running from the lounge.
"Hey babies I missed you boys so much" I say gathering them up in my arms and kissing them.
"Mommy we behaved" Lwandle says.
"Oh really?" I say acting like I'm thinking.
"Then I guess you deserve these"  I add as I show them the suits although they are still covered.
"Yes!" Lwandle jumps up and down excitedly as he takes it from me and runs back to the lounge.
"Mommy what is this?" Lwandile asks as I give him his bag.
"Those are your suits,now you are finally going to look like daddy" I say.
"Thank you mommy" he says excitedly as he hugs me and runs after his brother.
Do these kids think that they will play around with custom made suits? Over my dead body. I follow in their direction.
"Boys go out the suits in my room" I shout without realising that they are with Baba, Siphephelo and Zano.
"Custom made Armani suits Sphe! Yesses I wish I had a mother like you when I was younger" Siphephelo says holding up Lwandle's suit.
"Mommy says now we can look like daddy!" Lwandile adds giving his suit to his father.
Zano smiles.
"So you guys want to look like me?" He asks them.
"Yes Daddy!" Lwandile squeals.
"Mommy please borrow me your phone so I can show daddy" Lwandle says pulling at my hand.
"Okay okay.. " I say taking out my phone from my purse and handing it to him.
He runs to sit next to his father and unlocks it. He swipes,taps and scrolls for a while.
"I want to look like you here" he says finally showing Zano the picture.

I'm far from them so I can't see the picture. Zano looks at me and then back to the boys.
"What a nice choice Lwa,I must say your father was looking good on his wedding day" Siphephelo says with a huge smile.
Oh trust Lwandle to ruin things.
"What's a wedding day?" Lwandile asks.
Oh okay I'm not staying for this they started it so they will answer them.
"It's when two people who love each other get married" baba answers.
I gather up the boys suits.
"So does that mean mommy and daddy are married?" Lwandle asks.
My poor child looks confused but his question stops me in my tracks.
"Yes you see this picture was taken on their wedding day" Siphephelo says showing them our wedding picture.
By now I'm next to them on the couch.
"But mommy and daddy don't love each other" Lwandile says confused.
My knees give in and I kneel next to them.
"Hhayibo! Makoti are you okay?" Baba asks.
I just nod my head.
"Of course we do,you boys wouldn't be here if we didn't" Zano says.
I look at him and give him a grateful smile even though I know that this is about to get messy.
"But daddy you have another family" Lwandle says.
"At school they teach us that a family is me,my brother,mom and dad" Lwandile says.
"Boys" my voice comes out hoarse.
"Because daddy has another family it doesn't mean he loves us any less okay?" I say.
"But mommy... Daddy doesn't treat you like Themba's mommy" Lwandle says.
I look down out of embarassment,what do I tell my kids? That I'm second best? That I'm their father's biggest regret? I feel tears blur my vision.
"One day when you are a little older you will understand my love" I say squeezing his face.
"Mommy don't cry" Lwandle says looking sad.
"Mommy please don't be sad" Lwandile adds as they hug me.
"I'm not sad my babies,I'm happy because you are here with me,I would be lost without you two." I say hugging them even tighter.
I feel the guys looking at me.
"I want you guys to always remember that me and your dad love you very much okay?" I say looking in to their eyes.
They simultaneously nod their heads.

"Okay boys come eat,dinner is now served guys " Enhle says standing by the entrance.
The boys immediately run to her and they leave.
"Bafo those boys are exactly like you when you were younger" Siphephelo says as we all get up.
Zano lets out a light laugh. I still have tears in my eyes so I quickly turn to get out but Zano pulls me by my hand and I crash in to his chest.
I let all the tears fall as he silently brushes my back.
"They are growing up so fast" I say after a while.
"Yes and they are very clever" he says chuckling.
We are having this conversation still hugging. My face is still pressed against his hard chest,his chin is resting on my head and our arms are holding on to each other for dear life.
"What are we going to do? Eventually we have to tell them what's going on" I say sighing.
"We first have to figure out what's going on" he says.
I look up to him. He looks genuine so I nod.
"Are you feeling better now?" He asks letting go of me.
All the warmth I felt disappears. The love,the security I could feel it in his arms but now I feel like I'm all alone.
"I don't think I will ever be better" I say and take the boys' suits up to my room.

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