𝐷𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑀𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝑂𝐹 𝑌𝑂𝑈 | 𝐽. 𝑃𝑂𝑂𝐿𝐸

𝑃𝑅𝑂𝐿𝑂𝐺𝑈𝐸

"𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭, 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠..."

* * *

One Year Ahead...

"How are you feeling today, Jordan?" Dr. Margaret asks me.

Her voice sounds almost far away. That's how a lot of people's voices sounded to me now, especially because of today's significance. My therapist made it a point to have a session today as a "check-in" because today was a highlighted day of trauma in my life.

Really, today was more than just an anniversary, more than just a traumatic event, one year ago today was the day my entire life shifted for the worse. When I lost the one thing, the one person who brought sunshine and love back into my life.

Since that got taken from me, I felt...empty.

I shrugged my shoulders and shifted uncomfortably in the chair I was seated in across from Dr. Margaret. She was a nice lady. She was one of the few people that could coax a few words out of me every now and then since I didn't speak much anymore. She was a middle aged woman with dirty blonde hair that was in a tight bun, and usually wore a pant suit and stilettos.

"Can you use your words, Jordan?" She asks politely. "The key to expression is being able to voice your emotions."

I sighed, shaking my head, reaching for the notepad on the coffee table in between us and writing something down. Once I was finished, I flipped the notepad around for her to read:

I'm not really in the mood to talk today.

Dr. Margaret frowned and let out a deep sigh. "I know today is hard for you Jordan, but—."

I scowled, snatching the notepad back and scrawling something down for her to read once more. Finishing, I flipped the notepad around and shoved it into her hands.

No. You DON'T know. Don't act like you do.

"I'm sorry, Jordan," she says with a sad smile. "I didn't mean it like that. If you don't wanna talk, then don't talk. I just need you to tell me how you are feeling."

That's a good question.

How am I feeling?

Truth was, I didn't really know how I was feeling. I didn't know how I've been feeling for the longest time. Everything was mostly a blur for me. Life didn't even feel real anymore, it all just seemed like I was in some kind of strange universe where nothing but misery, depression, anxiety and loneliness existed.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, it was a tactic that I had learned to keep myself from crying. Inflicting pain on myself to keep myself from crying was definitely one of the unhealthy ways to cope, but, it was keeping me from breaking down in front of this woman, so that was all I truly cared about.

I hadn't broke down in front of someone except for Xiomara, and that's only because she was family. Well, the closest thing that I had to family nowadays.

I don't know how to feel, because I don't really feel anything. I guess you could say that I feel...numb. I don't know if that's the right word to use, but that's how it feels, I guess.

"And why do you feel like that, Jordan?" She asks.

Because she's not here anymore.

"Have you done anything to try to move on...? To take your mind off everything?" Dr. Margaret asks.

No. Nothing works.

"Why?"

Because...our love was short, but it felt like a lifetime. Love is so short but forgetting...or trying to move on is so hard.

I could feel the tears brewing in my eyes and turned my face away from my therapist. I didn't feel comfortable with her seeing me cry. I couldn't cry in front of her. I wouldn't.

Getting up, I stormed out of the room and walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. Just as I shut the door, I let the tears flow down my cheeks and broke down. The tears racked me so hard that it was becoming hard to breathe.

Crazy thing is, this is the most relieved I had felt in a long time...

"God, I wish you were here..." I said tilting my head to the ceiling.

* * *