Die First

PART 9- HOME

The next day I wake up to a knock on my door. It's Remus, he says goodbye to me, at least until next year when I'll be a mentor. The next person who comes to my room is Lusitania,

"Athena, I'm sorry about what I said to you yesterday, you know, the victor thing. I mean I suppose I never realised what it was really like for career tributes, when I was told that I would be District 1's escort, I was ecstatic, especially seeing as it's my first year. I figured everyone of you who volunteered would be doing it for fame or glory. I never considered it would be for love, sacrifice, or purely because you were told to. I'm so sorry for being that naive Athena, I'll see you next year." She hugs me and I don't push her away, she's obviously sorry and I don't want her to think I don't forgive her. She seems like the type to dwell over that sort of thing. 

"Thank you Lusitania, really. For everything you did for Achilles and I." I say as she starts to cry. "Hey, smile, it's your first year as an escort and you have a victor. You should be proud of yourself. Listen, I know you were closer with Achilles than you are with me, and trust me I wanted him to win as well. But you are stuck with me as much as I'm stuck with you, I'll come visit you every year, even if I'm not mentoring. I promise. You'll be ok Lusitania, I know it. You're going to be the best escort my District has ever seen." 

"Will you be ok without Achilles? I know you two never spent a day without eachother, he told me." 

"I'll be fine. Now stop crying, I'll be here in a year, it will come faster than you know it."

"Wait, Athena. Before you go, when's your birthday?"

"In a few weeks. Why?"

"Well you're a victor now, and it's your 16th birthday. I can guarantee Snow will have a big party planned for it. See you in a few weeks then." She leaves the room, happy that she won't be alone for long. I see her take Remus' arm and they leave together, I don't know if she would be alone anyway. Once they are gone I start to think about what she said, what has it being my 16th got to do with anything?

"Hey, Cash. Are sixteenth birthdays a big thing in the Capitol or something?"

"I guess, it's when someone officially becomes an adult Panem citizen." She says in a mockingly serious voice."And for Victors, it's when some of us get moved to the Capitol, for." She hesitates. "Work." She smiles, obviously hiding something from me. "Why are you asking?"

"Well Lusitania was trying to think of the next time she would get to see me, and she said since it's my 16th in a few weeks Snow is bound to throw a big party. But now that you've said that, it's not going to be a birthday party, is it?" 

"I mean, it could be." She says, the lack of hope in her voice is unsettling. "But it's likely that it will be your moving party, to the Capitol." My heart sinks. I can't live here. I won't live here. I'm sick of them looking at me as if I'm some sort of posession. I'm sick of walking past the training centre, the theatre, constant reminders of the Hunger Games. I'm sick of missing home. I despise it here. 

I clear my throat. "Um, is there any way they won't move me? You said only some victors get moved here for...work, which by the way Cashmere, is an obvious lie. Maybe I won't be one of those Victors."

"Athena, tell me. Do people constantly look at you here? Are you complimented any where you go for your looks? Aren't you the most popular Victor of all time?" I look at her with a curiousity struck face. "If your answer to even one of them was yes sweetie, you'd be getting moved . But of course all of those questions were a yes for you, weren't they? Look, Athena you're beautiful, strong, smart, and brave. People here are going to take advantage of that, and Snow might threaten you by saying he will kill me or Gloss, maybe even Glimmer. Don't give in, I won't let anything happen to Glimmer and Gloss and I can handle ourselves, ok?"

"Cash, what did they make you do? You're scaring me."

"It's nothing. Ok. But I don't want you to do it when it comes to it. Stay strong, and for now pretend like you know nothing. I've already told you more than I'm allowed to." She looks down, not sure wether she should withold the information or put me at risk by telling me. "Well come on then, we need to get home as soon as we can. Glimmer's birthday is in 3 days and we need to prepare." Oh my God. I forgot. Glimmer is turning seventeen in a few days, how could I forget my sisters birthday. I mean I know I've had a lot to think about, but still, it's my sister. 
Gloss charges through the room, the little lugage the three of us have combined draped over his shoulders. We run to the train station, desperate to get back home, all of us hate it in the Capitol. Cash and Gloss said that the years they lived here were the worst of their lives, I think it will be the same for me by the sound of things. I sleep for the whole journey home. I haven't slept properly since the night before the arena, during the arena I was too worried about protecting people to sleep for long. And after I've been too grief struck to think about anything other than Demetrius, Oceania, and Achilles. But now that I'm finally going home, I can rest. At least until I get relocated in the Capitol. But my 16th is three weeks from now. That's three weeks I have to move Glimmer into our new house in the Victors Villiage, right next to Cashmere's, which is right next to Gloss', and three weeks to spend time with them before I'm shipped away to fulfill my 'Victors duties', whatever they may be. When the train finally arrives, Gloss wakes me up and points out the window where I see a delighted Glimmer, bouquet of flowers in her hands, and her beaming smile shining over me. For a moment, when I look at her smile, I think of Oceania. She, like Glimmer was a year older than me, and she, like Glimmer had the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Maybe that's why it felt like home being around her. I run so fast I practically fly off the train, into Glimmer's arms. "Oh my God Athena, I missed you so much." 

"I missed you more than anything. The thought of coming home to see you is the only thing that got me through yesterday, you know the interview and everything." She stops hugging me and looks into my eyes, concerned. 

"I'm so sorry about everything. How are you holding up honey, I mean what happened with Achilles. And those kids from 2 and 4. I'm so sorry Athena. It should've been me, not you, not Achilles."

"Glimmer. It's not your fault I volunteered for you. I just wish more than anything Achilles didn't volunteer as well. I just wish we could be together, in the victors villiage with you, Cash, Gloss, Mr and Mrs Sonhart. We could be like a big, weird, but somewhat happy family. You know?" She smiles at me, apologetically, pitying me for the fact that I'm still dreaming of a life I'll never get. A life I lost because of idiotic desicions I made. But that thought reminds me. I need to go and talk to Achilles' parents, see how their doing, pray that they will forgive me. They've always been like parents to me, even before my Father abandoned us they still treated Glimmer and I like their daughters, since we saw them so often. "Ok, Glimmer. Cash and Gloss will take you to our new house, it's right next to Cash's, so you'll know the way if there's anywhere you need to go before going straight there. I'll come meet you at the house soon. I'll be right back, I promise." I say, starting to walk off fast before realising what I've just said. A memory floods my thoughts "I'll be right back Achilles, I promise." I shake off  those words, knowing I will never be able to just 'shake off' what happened. 

"Ok, that's fine. Where are you going?" Glimmer says, bringing me back to reality.

"I need to go see Mr and Mrs Sonhart. I'm gonna invite them round for dinner, that is, if they don't blame me for their sons death of course. I doubt they will though, they know how much Achilles and I loved eachother. But still I wouldn't begrudge them if they thought it was my fault. Accident or not, I killed him."

"I know this is something you'll want to do alone. Just go and I'll let Cash and Gloss know where you are."

"Thank you." I shout before running off on my way to the Sonhart's house. Usually when I run there, it's because I'm going to see Achilles. But today I don't have seeing him to look forward to. I miss him more than anything.