CHAEYOUNG.
"Are you ready?" One of the sound engineers asked outside the booth and I gave a double thumbs up then smiled.
"As ready as I can be," I answered through the mic and he nodded. I'm feeling so nervous because the time has come for the recording part. I have done this countless times before but not singing songs that I wrote and produced by someone I don't even know. Usually, music producers hovers outside the booth but not this time. Jennie informed Ally and I that the demos have already been sent back from Columbia records. It surprised me that someone from Columbia has lent one of their producers. Also, I didn't know about OA's affiliations until now. I have heard the demos and they literally gave me goosebumps. Something that has never happened before.
Something in the melody and music hit me in the gut like a punch and my chest clenched in the sudden pain I felt. I wrote all these songs in reference to what has happened in this very country years ago. I momentarily closed my eyes, trying to calm down because now that this moment is here, fear hit me like a truck. My throat feels constricted and in all honesty, I think I might faint. I froze the moment I heard the music in my headphones. I looked outside directly at Alice. She whispered something in the guy's ear and the music stopped altogether. The door to the booth opened and Alice entered, looking worried.
"What's wrong?" she asked, holding my arm gently. I took a deep breath.
"Nerves," I muttered.
"Are you okay? Should we just reschedule this session?" Ally asked again. I shook my head, feeling determined.
"I just need a minute," I answered, taking another deep breath.
"Are you sure?" Ally asked again, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I nodded, feeling a little stronger.
"Yes. Just give me a minute, yeah? It's just the nerves," I answered and smiled a little. Ally nodded and tapped my cheek gently before going out the door. I took one more deep breath and signaled the guy that I'm all good. He nodded and the music started again.
I didn't notice
But I didn't care
I tried being honest
But that lead me nowhere
I watched the station
Saw the bus pulling through
And I don't mind saying
A part of me left with you
One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
'cause that's where I'm home
I closed my eyes as I sang, feeling the pain again. Thoughts crossed my mind at how Jisoo and I parted our ways. Even after so many years, it still hurts and no matter what I do to find her, I just couldn't.
How can I actually find someone who doesn't want to be found?
Did I make you nervous?
Did I ask for too much
Was I not deserving one second of your touch?
One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
'cause that's where I'm home
Where are you, Soo? Please. I really needed to see you even for the last time. I still can't give up this feeling I'm harboring for you even after so many years. I truly loved you. I still do. I think I will just go insane. Dear God please.
What would you do if I could have you?
Oh if I could
I'd let you feel everything I'm thinking, yeah
One thought denies
Wouldn't that be nice?
I closed my eyes again, wanting to cry already. The pain of losing Jisoo is taking its toll on me.
Where is she? Why can't I find her? Why did she leave me just like that? Was I not worth a chance? Am I not worth it?
