Oliver is struggling

chapter 7

~No one's POV ~

It's Saturday morning now, Oliver is home since Wednesday night. He's not going to school so he is finally able to sleep longer nights, take it easy, rest, watch some movies, do some drawing and colouring and just relax. 

But that doesn't take away all of his problems. He still feels mentally in a bad place. Getting out of bed feels like an inpossible task to him and just getting through a day is really hard. He kinda misses the structure and routine he had in a day when he still went to school.

~ Oliver's POV ~

ugh why can't i do anything

i want to feel better 

the days are boring and way too hard, i can't do anything

life is boring, i hate my life

i don't want this

i'm so done with this

all of this 

i don't want it anymore

All these thoughts rush through my head at ones and i can hear the bullies in my own head telling me how worthless and useless i am and i can feel the tears starting to spill. 

i'm such a baby 

freak. 

I can feel an urge coming and i don't know what do right now. I'm home alone and no one can help me but i know i shouldn't do this. I'm debating if i should call Nick or not? 

don't bother him with that! 

my thoughts yell at me and i start crying more and more but i try to be stronger. He said i could. He said if i need it i should call. I start shaking while dialing Nick's number and then there's no way back because he picks up almost immediately. 

"hey buddy? how are you?" i hear him asks. Speaking feels like a lot right now but i need to talk in order to get help. "c-can you c-come to m-me? p-pl-please?" i manage to say. I can hear Nick jump up from the couch "i'm on my way right now what's going on?" he asks worried. But that's way too long to explain right now i'll just keep it at "i-i'm n-not o-okay"

"i'll be there soon okay! take some deep breaths buddy. It's going to be okay, whatever it is, i'm here to help you okay" "mhm t-thank y-you" "it's alright Ollie, hold on a little longer for me okay i'll be there shortly!" Nick tells me and then we hang up the phone. 

I can feel myself freaking out more and more every second. My knees give out and i fall to the ground on the bathroom floor. I grab the nearest sharp object i can find and i start cutting myself, not being able to resist the urge anymore. I start panicking more and more every time i see blood dripping down on the floor. 

~ Nick's POV ~

I drive as fast as i can and 10 minutes later i finally arrive at the Springs house. I can't lie, i'm pretty anxious while walking into the house not knowing what is wrong with Oliver. 

"OLLIE! where are you?!" i yell through the house but i don't get a response. I quickly look into the living room but when i don't see anyone i head straight to Oliver's room guessing i have the most luck to find him in there. When i walk into his room i can hear him panicking in the bathroom and decide to slowly open the door a little "Ollie can i come in? are you okay?" i ask before opening the door all the way. 

"h-h-he..lp" is all he managed to get out so i walk in. And then i see what i was afraid of seeing. Ollie is curled up having a panic attack and there's blood all over his arm. I kneel down in front of him "hey Ollie i'm here now it's okay, i'm going to help you" i reassure him. "i-i-i'm s-so s-so..rry" is all he says. 

"it's okay Ollie, it is not your fault, look at me and take some deep breaths with me" and Ollie does as i say. He looks and me and follows my breathing. After a while of deep breaths i can see Ollie calming down. 

"what happened bud?" i aks him. "i- i- just- all my thoughts just- just became too m-much to handle and this felt right, and it still does.." he says still catching his breath. 'it still does' keeps repeating in my head. "do you still have the urge?" i ask hoping he'll answer honestly. "uhmm y-yeah" he says while staring at the sharp object still in front of him. Shit. I was so busy making sure he calmed down that i forget about the object. I grab it and immediately hide it out of sight from Ollie. And then i decide to not talk about the urge anymore to distract him. 

"i'm really proud of you for calling me and asking for help" i say to him with a smile and he slightly smiles back at me with teary eyes. "is it okay if i clean you up and wrap up your wrists?" i ask him. And i get an absent "mhm" back as a response. But i decide to let it go. He's probably overwhelmed and tired from all of this and i don't think he's in the mood to really talk right now. 

"i'll grab the first aid kit from Charlie's bathroom give me one second" i say. Oliver nods and i leave the room to get the first aid kit. 

~ Oliver's POV ~

Nick was talking to me but i couldn't hear him fully. My ears are ringing really bad so i just gave a "mhm" back as a response and he seemed okay with that. He leaves the room but i'm getting super dizzy all of the sudden. I felt light headed for a while but now i'm getting really dizzy. i try to call Nick but it doesn't leave my mouth as loud as i hope it would. All of the sudden everything is black. 

~ Nick's POV ~ 

I finally found the first aid kit in Charlie's bathroom so i head back to Ollie's bathroom, but when i come back Oliver is laying on the ground unconscious in his own puddle of blood. Shit. 

"Ollie! hey! wake up please! you're okay" i try kneeling next to him. shit. shit. shit.