From Everything That Was (Till Everything That Will Be)

Louis (Present)

You're on your own, kid
Yeah, you can face this
You're on your own, kid
You always have been
- You're On Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift

The old nickname had just slipped from his lips, and now Harry was hurrying away once again. Louis mentally slapped himself across the forehead. It had been an honest mistake. To Louis, Harry had always been Haz. And Louis had always been Lou. But they weren't teenagers anymore. Louis had to remind himself that all the time.

But, a part of him, also wanted to be Harry's friend again.

Louis hated to admit it, but he was lonely in Cambridge. He only had himself, his thoughts, and his dog, but when he saw Harry smile, or Harry teach, or when Harry brought him coffee, Louis felt safe. Harry had always been a safe space for Louis, and perhaps he could be again.

Louis wasn't the same person he was at seventeen. Maybe, if Louis could go back, he would change the outcome. Or maybe not. All Louis knew was that he was a different person now.

And he really could use a friend.

And maybe it had been a possibility, Harry had after all let him drive him home, but then he had to bloody let the old nickname slip from his lips.

Louis groaned and started the car.

* * *

Louis woke, sweating. It was dark around him, but the surface he was lying on was too rough to be his bed. He had fallen asleep on the couch.

His body was shaking, trembling, as he stood up. He was breathing rapidly, shadows moving in his mind. He felt like he was choking. Louis hated not being able to breathe.

He shook his head, telling himself, "It was just a nightmare, just a nightmare, just a nightmare..."

But it never just was.

"Clifford," Louis called, his hands trembling as he stepped into his kitchen. He turned on the light, walking over to the cabinet where he kept his medicine. "Clifford!"

The sound of paws on floorboards could be heard, and Louis' dog came trotting up to him.

"Hey there, boy," Louis mumbled and placed a hand on Clifford's head. He scratched behind the dog's ear, his breathing slowing down bit by bit. "It was just a nightmare. I've tried worse."

Clifford looked up at him with big, brown eyes, his tongue licking Louis' palm.

Louis opened the cabinet, pulling out his box of medicines. He popped a pill in his mouth, swallowing. No more nightmares for now.

* * *

The following week at work, Louis and Harry barely spoke, and Louis didn't get any coffee delivered to his desk. He and Harry were also no longer supervising each other's classes, so the intense eye contact was also over.

Louis just had to call Harry by his old nickname.

That weekend, Zayn came to Cambridge for a visit. Louis was so happy to finally see a familiar face when Zayn stepped off the train at the station.

"Thank fuck," Louis breathed, engulfing Zayn in a hug. "I fucking missed you, mate."

Zayn chuckled, patting Louis' back. "I can only say the same." He pulled away slightly to let his eyes trace over Louis. "You look tired."

Louis grinned weakly. "Yeah, I am. Can we just spend tonight at mine? We can go clubbing tomorrow. I've found an excellent gay club here."

"Sounds like a great idea." Zayn hoisted up in his backpack. "Lead the way."