From Everything That Was (Till Everything That Will Be)

Before (Past)

I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like youI want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
- Girl Crush, Little Big Town

The summer Louis was fifteen and Harry sixteen, was the summer Harry got a girlfriend. It was also the summer Louis was sure he couldn't stand it anymore. He spent nights crying about the fact that Harry was slowly slipping away between his fingers. More time was spent with his girlfriend, Clara, and less time spent on Louis.

Louis hated it.

That summer, he barely went outside.

He stayed at home, drawing, playing PlayStation, or writing in his journal. He wrote a lot in his journal.

Some days Harry would come over.

One specific day when Louis was sitting in his own self-loathing, someone knocked on the hatch. "Come in," he called, eyes still focused on the journal in front of him.

The hatch swung open and there he was. The most beautiful boy to exist and he wasn't Louis'. Not in the way he wished he was.

"Hey, Lou," Harry said. "Jay let me in. Whatcha doing?"

"Writing," Louis said, closing his book. His eyes locked in on Harry's neck, and his heart fell in his chest. It clattered on the ground and Louis wasn't sure he would ever be able to pick it up again.

 "Looks like you and Clara have been at it." He spoke coldly, adverting his eyes from Harry's neck.

"I guess." Harry was blushing slightly as he sat down on the bed beside Louis. "She, um, she went a bit wild, not gonna lie."

Louis couldn't help but snort. "Yeah."

"Are you alright, Lou? You don't seem that great lately. You never leave the house."

"Yeah, 'cause you're here to notice," Louis found himself snapping.

Hurt flashed over Harry's features. "I'm sorry, but I have a girlfriend now."

"I know." Louis didn't look at him. Then, because he couldn't help himself, "She did sloppy work with those hickeys."

How was it even possible to make a sloppy hickey? Louis didn't know, but Clara had made them, so they were sloppy.

Harry tightened his jaw. "I came here to ask if you'd like to go to the cinema with me. Watch a movie, but you really don't seem to be in the mood, so I'll just leave." He began standing up, but Louis took hold of his sleeve.

"No, please... please stay. Sorry, I was being rude. I just miss you. I'm sorry."

Harry looked sceptically at him. "Alright," he said.

Louis exhaled. "Tell me how things are with Clara. We haven't had time to catch up in a while." It pained Louis to say it, but as long as Harry was happy. If Harry was happy, he could easily live a life of misery and longing.

Harry scrunched his nose. "She wants me to fuck her."

Louis choked on air. "What?"

"Yeah," Harry slowly spoke, eyes trained on Louis' wall. "She told me. She has even bought condoms and everything."

Louis regretted asking. "Uh-huh."

"I don't want to," Harry said. "Like, I really don't, and I told her that. I'm not ready."

"She has to respect that," Louis said.

"Yeah, I know. She does, too, but, like... I'm not sure I ever want to do that with her. I want it to be special, with someone I love. And Clara... as much as she's sweet and kind, I can also just never see myself loving her. Never."