From Everything That Was (Till Everything That Will Be)

Louis (Present)

And I try to be tough, but I wanna scream
How could anybody do the things you did so easily?
And I say I don't care, I say that I'm fine
But you know I can't let it goI've tried, I've tried, I've tried for so long
It takes strength to forgive, but I don't feel strong
 -The Grudge, Olivia Rodrigo

Louis ran out of the house, panting. Tears were prickling in the corners of his eyes. He could hear Harry shouting behind him, asking him to come back. Asking what was so wrong.

What wasn't wrong? Louis was wrong. Louis was wrong for Harry. Louis was wrong for himself and Harry didn't deserve that. Louis had let himself get lulled in by the promise of Harry's lips and touch. He had for a moment let himself forget. But when Harry whispered "Lou" in that all-way too-familiar way that made Louis' heart ache for a past life, Louis was pulled back to reality. He couldn't do this.

He stopped on the front lawn, turning around to look back. Harry was right at his heels, a bewildered look on his face. "Louis, what—"

"No!" Louis cut him off, hugging his arms around himself. "I can't do this."

"Do what?" Harry asked. He walked closer to Louis, but Louis only backed more and more away.

"Us," Louis said. "This is wrong—"

"What the fuck do you mean with that?" Harry asked, throwing his arms out to the side. "When have we ever been wrong? I get it when we were younger, you were in a dark place, but this, us, is good, Louis. We could try aga—"

"No!" Louis shook his head, his breaths coming quick. "I... I can't."

"Why?" Harry got closer and closer, but Louis couldn't move. "What can't you do, Louis?"

Louis looked up at Harry, his whole body shaking. "I'm not good for you, Harry. Please walk away from me."

Harry took a step closer. "Louis—"

"Get away from me!" yelled Louis. His vision was blurred by tears.

Harry quickly took a few steps back. "Louis, tell me what's wrong."

Me, Louis wanted to scream. I'm so fucked up.

He couldn't say that.

"I don't wanna see you," he uttered instead. "Please, I just wanna go home."

Hurt flashed over Harry's features, and Louis remembered all too well when he had told Harry they could no longer be all those years ago. God, Harry had changed since then, but only for the better, not for the worse like Louis.

Louis was not worthy of someone as pure as Harry. He couldn't step in and tain the life of the man he loved.

It really shouldn't come to Louis as such a big surprise as it did. When had Louis ever felt anything but love when he looked at Harry? It hadn't faded away over the years, it had simply been pushed back, but Louis needed for it to stop. For Harry.

"You don't have your car," Harry finally said. "And you've been drinking."

"I'll call a cab," Louis said, fumbling for his phone.

"Fine," Harry said. "But I'm not gonna leave you out here alone."

"I don't wanna talk to you," Louis said.

"You don't have to." Harry moved to sit by the curb. He must have been freezing in his costume. Louis knew he was.

Louis said nothing, just pulled his phone out of his pocket to call for a cab. Once he finished the call, he let out a shudder and started packing back and forth over the lawn.