Flashing Lights | Cillian Murphy x Reader

Chapter Eight

Filming began without a hitch, and I hadn't received any other letters. I sat in my trailer, a letting my makeup artist apply eyeliner to my face while I tried not to blink it away. Today was the day we would film the scene I was most nervous about- the kiss.

If I was being honest, I'd never actually kissed a guy. Okay, that was a lie. I'd kissed a guy, but it was in middle school during spin the bottle, so I didn't really count it. I suppose this was no different than a kiss on a dare, just a kiss to convince the camera we were absolutely infatuated with one another.

And little did anyone know, I had become infatuated with the actor I was supposed to be kissing. It crept upon me suddenly like a lion attacking prey, and before I realized it the knots that grew in my stomach developed into moth-like flutters that I felt anytime our eyes met across the room. I found myself wanting to please him, going out of my way to deliver every line perfectly so he would be impressed by me. I wanted his approval, his praise, his attention. I wanted Cillian.

But what would he want with someone as young as me? He deserves someone else, someone prettier, someone with more acting experience. Someone his age. I thought to myself bitterly as I bit my bottom lip, letting my anxious worried flood my brain inside and out as my makeup artist finished, escorting me outside and to the set. I looked around, seeing how busy everyone seemed to be. Everyone knew what they should be doing, but I still felt as though I were lost, merely going with the flow and following others where ever they may lead.

My gaze caught on Cillian, speaking to Michael. After the strange incident outside of his trailer, I hadn't spoken to him alone. It almost seemed as though he avoided me, only speaking to me if it was in relation to the movie, or if it was to critique me. "You look annoyed, Eleanor is supposed to be relaxed." He'd say. "Stop delivering the lines so aggressively, Eleanor is much more demure." I'd feel my blood almost boil, wanting to scream "You're not the director!" but knew deep down he was right, and that I was letting my internal turmoil affect my outward appearance and tone.

But this was the first time we would film the kiss without marking, and I felt incredibly nervous as Mark suddenly called to get into our stations. The set in New Mexico was set to look like the outside of a run down cottage. I smoothed out my long skirt and inhaled deeply as we got into positions. I attempted to write over Cillian's face and replace it with that of Anthony, knowing if I got too flustered thinking about Cillian I might ruin the scene.

All too suddenly the cameras were completely set up, and the scene began.

"I can't trust you." Cillian, or Anthony snapped, his head whipping toward me as his bottom lip quivered with something along the lines of frustration and sadness. I stepped toward him, putting both of my hands into his cheeks before he slapped them away, causing me to stagger backwards with a bewilderment on my face. "Go away from me. You have no idea the things I've done! The people I've killed! Just looking at you makes me sick!" His distressed voice shrieked as he backed away, almost stumbling in the dirt as he held his head in his hands, his expression pained.

I furrowed my eyebrows and stepped toward him, grabbing his wrist. "You're not real! Stop touching me!" He screamed, lashing around as I struggled to keep my grasp on him. "L-let go!" He stammered, his eyes wide with fear as I held on tighter, the two of us toppling over into the dirt. I wrestled with him, eventually straddling him and holding both of his wrists in my hand.

He at first lay with his back on the ground and me on top of his waist, holding his wrists down beside his head as we both breathed heavily, our fighting exhausting the two of us as he suddenly sat up, moving to a position in which I was now sitting just barely on his lap and his wrists were still in my hands, our foreheads nearly touching as we panted, looking at each other with a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and love.

"I don't care about any of that stuff, Anthony! I'm not leaving you, I'm not going to abandon you! You can try to fight me all you want but i'm not one of your illusions!" I yelled in his face, eyes filling with tears as he struggled to get out of my grasp, our faces only inches away.

"I'm real." I finally whispered when he stopped fighting with as much ferocity as he began to. We both panted, before his hands wrapped tightly around my head and he drew me in for a kiss. His lips crashed into mine, enveloping me in this strange warmth that felt like a wave as my hands cupped his cheeks. The kiss was filled with so much desperation as he desperately clawed at me to get closer to his face, his lips eagerly chasing mine as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I struggled to kiss back, taken completely aback by how intense he was kissing me, and for a moment I was completely lost in my character. I allowed myself to kiss him with the same passion, my hands touching anywhere they could on his face, gripping into his hair as our lips tangled in a ferocious dance, when suddenly we broke apart and both inhaled sharply.

"Cut!"

Just like nothing happened, he turned to the camera, his face a bit red from how intense our kissing had been. I looked at the cast and crew behind the camera, to see how shocked and excited some appeared. "That was perfect!" Mark exclaimed as everyone applauded. I realized after a moment of celebration that I was still sitting on Cillian's lap and I carefully got off, brushing my tangled hair out of my face and refused to look at him.

"Your chemistry was divine. I was completely caught up in Eleanor and Anthony's passion." Melody commented, her hand pressed to her chest. I continued to listen to the praise everyone passed along, but my heart raced for Cillian and the passionate exchange we just shared. Only for the movie. It was all for the movie.

I felt a deep layer of disappointment in knowing the only time I would be able to kiss him with such passion was that once, and it was not because of mutual romantic interest, but of duty to the movie. I finally summed up the courage to look at Cillian, and saw he was looking at me, his sharp features and expression unreadable as he stared at me with his glacier eyes. I swallowed hard and looked away, knowing that staring at him for too long would lead to something bad. I was afraid of losing control of myself, which felt inevitable every time I was forced to stand in close proximity to him.

I tried to calm the racing of my heart as Melody threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly before doing the same to Cillian, who chuckled and carefully removed her from her grasp on him as he usually did. After grabbing a bottle of water, I chugged it down with such force that I nearly choked. I gagged a bit, when suddenly Cillian's hand was on my back, patting me firmly. "Careful, now." He said, his rough voice sweet as he gave me a smile that sent shivers down my spine. I swallowed and smiled weakly back up at him, embarrassed to have been seen choking on my water in front of such a seemingly divine human.

The filming came to a halt for the day, and I walked back to my trailer. It was now the evening, the setting sun casting an amber glow on the dusty mountains of New Mexico. The golden hour caused me to squint, finally making my way into the trailer. Ever since filming began, we had to stay on set due to how far the hotel was from the filming set. I wiped off my red lipstick with a tissue before crumbling it up and throwing it in the trash, it hitting the rim and just barely missing.

I fell on my back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling as I tried to convince myself what happened today was not romantic, but business. I however, couldn't stop reliving how passionate the kiss was; the feelings of his large hands in my hair, the softness of his lips pressing against mine with such feverish desperation, his tongue enveloping mine and nearly claiming it as his...

I knew that if I continued to think of such things I would only turn myself on even more, so I forced myself to stop.

I forced myself to ignore the familiar sound of his clearing his throat from outside of my trailer.

I forced myself to ignore it until his knuckles rapped on my door.