How She Came Home

Chapter Sixty-Six

Waking early the next morning, Becca blinked away the latest dream of Freen as she slowly came to, heavy-lidded eyes opening to narrow slits as she watched her mother fold the blankets neatly at the bottom of the mattress. 

She was dressed in her silk pajamas with a robe over the top, bare-faced and grave as she quietly moved about the room. It was odd to see her doing such menial household tasks like making a bed and Becca watched her move around as she studied her.

Pretending to sleep until Rawee walked out, Becca lay on her back and stared at the ceiling after she'd left, her whole body limp as she sank into the mattress. She didn't even have the energy to sit up, to move, a certain blankness to her mind as she tried to stifle the pain, the memories, the accusing thoughts. 

There was so much anger in her that she felt like she was drowning in it, cold and consuming and bitter. It was a familiar companion and with the absence of Freen's light and warmth, she descended back into that pit with open arms.

Rawee returned a while later, Athena nosing into the room after her and jumping up onto the bed, snuffling at Becca's cheek before she obediently lay beside her, while her mother fetched clean clothes and informed her she was going to go to the store with Nun in a bit.

She didn't invite Becca to go with her, knowing it was a futile question, a laughable prospect, and went to shower a moment later, leaving her alone again.

Studiously ignoring Rawee's presence as she got ready, Becca nodded distractedly at her mother's goodbye as she lay propped up on the pillows, staring up at the faint cracks in the corner of the bedroom ceiling. 

It was a mild day, the sky somewhat blue and no sign of rain yet, although the nearby roar of the ocean would likely have drowned it out anyway, and Becca was content to stay in bed, warm beneath the blankets as she scratched Athena behind her ears and dwelled.

Nam knocked on the door a minute later, poking her head inside to see if she wanted breakfast, and when Becca blankly shook her head she vanished again, leaving her alone. 

It didn't take long for Mind to barge in, her brusquness shocking Becca as she blinked and sat up a little straighter, hand curled in the bristly fur of the dog.

"Come on," Mind said, dragging the blankets back and gesturing. "Get up."

"No."

"You are not sitting here all day, again ," Mind snapped, pale and angry and trembling with the effort it took not to fall apart as she grabbed Becca's arm and pulled. "Get up, Becca. Get the fuck out of bed."

"No."

Making a sound of annoyance at the back of her throat, Mind grit her teeth as she let Becca's arm fall limply back to her side, curling her hands into fists as she shot her a venomous glare. 

"She asked me to look after you, okay?" Mind said, her voice cracking painfully, "and she wouldn't--"

Faltering, Mind looked aside, a muscle twitching in her jaw, before she inhaled sharply. "She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."

"I don't care."

"Becca," Mind snapped, "fucking look at me."

Eyes drifting up to look at her, Becca blinked slowly, an emptiness to her gaze as she looked at Mind and felt only exhaustion and sadness. That bitter anger welled up inside her and her lips twisted ruefully as she swallowed.

"I look at you and all I see is her," Becca rasped, looking out the window as she turned over onto her side. "I don't want to look at you."