finding happiness

the truth is out

ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ ɪɴ ᴏᴘᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ

:]

george has no idea what dream and sapnap are laughing at. he's pretty sure it was something he said but he zoned out just after, trying to read an email, and whatever it was slipped his mind.

the email is something about merch. he doesn't bother reading it after seeing that both sapnap and dream have already signed the attached form. if they're okay with whatever it is then so he is.

he doesn't even do his real signature, simply scribbling a random line and typing his name just below before reattaching the form and sending it back to dream to sort out.

george's shoulders feel really heavy today. he managed to order some mcdonalds earlier and hauled himself out of his chair to go and get it when it arrived but, other than that, he hasn't moved from in front of his pc. he did some editing earlier but he was moving on autopilot, hardly focused, and he's pretty sure he did a terrible job.

he didn't laugh once at the recording so he was probably feeling so numb that he got rid of all the funny bits without noticing.

he doesn't even remember how he got on a call with his best friends. he hasn't been focused in the slightest.

by his side, george's big mac sits half-eaten, his large fries completely untouched. he ate all nine of his nuggets and a good amount of his coke, but the rest of it has been forgotten about, even though he still feels hunger deep in his gut.

"okay dream," sapnap sings, tone light and playful. george can imagine how he smiles like an idiot and the thought makes him frown to himself. he loves that his friends have found their happiness but he doesn't understand why he got left behind.

what is so bad about him that even the omnibenevolence of happiness is avoiding him?

dream teases the ravenette back and george switches his second monitor to display discord. dream's face cam is off, obviously, but sapnap has his open. he is grinning at whatever dream just said, his face looking bright even in the darkness of his office.

the way the pair laugh together seems so easy and light and george hates that he feels jealous. he knows that his friends deserve the joy they are feeling but he feels like he deserves some too. they've spent so much of their lives doing the same things, why aren't they all happy? why is george trailing behind while his friends thrive on?

george moves his hands to his lap and looks down at them. his nails are getting grown out and it's gross. he hardly even has to think before his fingers are by his lips and he's biting at the nails, trying to pull them off.

it's the least he can do to make himself look less of a mess. he can accept greasy hair, he can allow grime and unwashed clothes and sunken eyes, but long nails feel like a step too far, especially when there is such an easy solution.

"george?"

the brunette hums through the finger in his mouth, letting his gaze flick back up to his monitor. he watches the ring around dream's profile picture shine green as he talks.

"are you still going to record that thing with tommy?"

george looks over at his calendar before remembering that he hasn't even changed it to the correct month. he shrugs before realising dream won't be able to see him and verbalising, "dunno." his voice is just slightly muffled as he continues to bite at his nails.