finding happiness

un-packing

ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ ɪɴ ᴏᴘᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ

:]

george sits staring blankly at his half-full suitcase.

there is a pile of clothes on the floor beside him, waiting to be folded and packed. waiting to travel halfway across the planet.

getting his visa was like a flash of light in his life. it was blinding for a few days, a constant brightness, burning around him like he'd been consumed by the sun.

telling sapnap and dream had felt like flying. it was unreal.

and like everything else, it faded.

the days passed with planning and packing. he bought a plane ticket and started sending his less-necessary belongings. he planned to keep his flat but still sold the unnecessary pieces of furniture. life continued and the feeling faded and he woke up one day and dissolved into tears when he realised he felt nothing again.

the light has gone and his chest is heavy once more. he's packing his final essentials now, the bag he is going to take with him on his early flight tomorrow morning, and he feels like a shell of a human.

he's sick with guilt. literally. he threw up not short of thirty minutes ago.

he should be so excited to see his friends. his heart should be racing, his mind spinning. he should be filled with joy and happiness and other equally good things but there's nothing. george is still empty and the realisation makes him queasy.

he wants to be excited so badly, he needs it. the brit is starting to really wonder what's wrong with him. what has caused him to be so broken that he can't feel joy over the occasion he's spent a third of his life counting down to?

george, dream and sapnap have put their hearts into making this possible. all three of them worked their asses for the outcome they've received, and george doesn't understand why he can't live out the happiness he's been searching for.

the brit looks up from zoning out, pulled to the sound of his discord ringing.

his pc has already been shipped to america so he looks to his phone for the sound. he sees it on his bare desk and sighs as he hauls himself up off of the floor. why is moving so tiring?

slumping into his desk chair, he takes his phone off of the wood and answers the call. it's coming in from the dream team discord so he doesn't know who to expect as the call loads.

he's met with dream's bright grin and forces a smile in response.

"you're basically here already!" dream jokes excitedly, looking so overjoyed that his cheeks must hurt. he gestures to the room around him and george notices most of his belongings already unpacked in the room that is soon to become his.

george is glad that the flash of light that his visa acceptance caused lasted him long enough to experience dream's face for the first time. if the reveal were to happen now, he thinks he would struggle to muster up a reaction, especially one like the genuine smile he'd harboured just weeks before.

"it looks great," george chirps. his joy feels tainted in his tone. he tries to exaggerate his positive emotions but it hurts nonetheless. george feels like he is lying through the smile on his features. he feels deceitful and he hates it.