A kid's play (Teach me how to live again) - Hualian AU + TGCF as kids

The point of no return

|| TW: don't read this chapter if you're sad ||

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Xie Lian pressed his eyes closed and stopped breathing. He tried to shake his head hoping it would make it go away but it was too late. He saw it. It had never ever crossed his mind before, and yet it was right there in front of him.

Would that haunt him forever? He felt something boiling in his stomach. It stirred so hard he thought he'd throw up. He darted out in the street.

For a moment he wished he could disappear, like ashes spreading in the wind and turning into nothing. For a moment, his entire world was turned upside-down, and he was fighting hard the urge to scream.

Rushing through the sidewalk, his forehead was hurting from creasing his brows so hard, his vision was getting blurred. He needed to get home. Fast.

Yes, he'd just had to swallow that feeling for a little bit. Once in his room he would be able to fall apart, and maybe even disappear.

Xie Lian started running back the way he came from, unavoidably passing by the kindergarten, but he didn't even notice. Suddenly, there was a stinging pain at his ribs and he was forced to stop.

What a hellish day! Earlier he had fallen onto the chair backrest during class, and in a clumsy attempt to hold onto something, he touched San Lang in between his legs. "Ahhhhhh!" was the sound that filled his mind. Xie Lian's desire to disappear became even stronger.

He dragged himself to the next crossing, waiting for the traffic lights. Well, he couldn't just disappear from school like that, the semester was still ongoing. But nothing made sense anymore.

The lights turned green, but Xie Lian didn't move. He looked down, it was getting harder to breathe. The air was entering his lungs with a lot of difficulty. Earlier no, but the doctor indeed said it would hurt. What kind of pain was he feeling? Was it coming from the rib or further inside?

He looked around and saw the front step of a store at the sidewalk. He sat down and closed his eyes. The image that formed inside his eyelids made his stomach swirl again. He was starting to despair. He needed to control himself, but how? He needed to at least reach his home. There it was safe, there he could fall apart, cry his eyes out, throw out all memories of...

It was actually not safe. It was impregnated with exactly that: memories. He would be surrounded by an artificial familiarity he had built on an illusion.

His throat became dry. Where then would he feel safe?

He picked up his phone and dialled the only number he could think of.

"Hello?" A familiar voice called, almost indistinguishable between a chaos of sounds at the other side of the line.

"Mom?"

"Hm? Son? Is this you? I'm not hearing you well..."

Any effort Xie Lian managed not to fall apart started to crumble. Tears silently rolled down his face.

"Son? Hi? Can you hear me?"

Xie Lian was now trying to contain his sobs. And failing. "Y-yeah, mo-om, it's m-me."

There was still a lot of noise at the other end of the line. "Son? I'm at the season fest!"

Along with his mom's voice, there was laughter, songs, and happy voices. Those sounds choked Xie Lian, he felt completely desolate. Suddenly, he wished he was back at his parents place right now. He wished he'd have never come to this God-forsaken small town.