Vent/ rant book :3

silly mode >:3‼️

I feel out of place everywhere, even in my own home. The internet is the only place I feel normal, I don't know how to explain it. I just don't feel normal, I feel weird for having hyper fixations on my interests, I feel weird for not being able to express my emotions til I'm having a meltdown, i feel weird for wearing the same hat everyday because it makes me feel safe, i feel weird for self-harming, i feel weird because of the way I look, i feel weird for making bracelets to express how I feel, i feel weird after everyone sees me have a meltdown, i feel weird being me. so I mask who I am, at my home, at school, everywhere but the internet. And then my mom tells me that I can't rely on people on the internet, because I need to rely on myself. But I can't bottle this shit up anymore. I cant do this, I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry, my grades are getting worse, and at this point I'm not trying anymore. I barely brush my teeth anymore. On weekends i just sit in my bed, rotting away, and then staying up late. Every weeks the same, I go to school Monday-Friday and on weekends I rot away planning if it's gonna be the day I kill my self. Because I can't live in a world like this