Chocolate (Zayn Malik Fan-Fic) Book 4

~Zayn~

      Zayn, felt like he was standing at the very bottom of a ditch. One of those dark ones that smell like all kinds of soil from the ones that are sort of sandy feeling to the ones that have pieces of animal crap in them since it helps fertilize the non existent plants. That's what his life had become. One big old, almost bottomless seeming dark ditch filled with sandy animal crap soil.

      He tried looking at the positives in all of this, Garett telling him to grow a pair and just face everything like a man and fucking go with it until all the crap finally subsides. Then again, maybe taking Garett's advice wasn't really the smartest thing to do I mean Garett is in his mid thirties, single, hangs out with young twenty-year olds, and is like a magnet for dogs that really want to piss on a pair of shoes.

      But nonetheless, Zayn had this checklist in his head that'd he go over from time to time, crossing out the bad stuff that had finally gone away, the simple routine usually ending with him being really disappointed when he would see how nothing ended up being crossed out. Again. What positives were there anyway? I mean, the love of his life didn't want to even marry him for real, people were still calling him a fucking terrorist (Not that he let it affect him, but fuck it gets annoying), none of the songs he had written were going to be apart of the new album (the songs he'd worked so hard on for hours all by himself), Perrie didn't want to fucking marry him, Modest told him that he couldn't get the nose piercing he wanted, Perrie didn't want to fucking marry him, paparazzi had been starting to make up all of these shitty rumors about him, and Perrie. Did. Not. Want. To. Marry. Him.

      Zayn, was rich enough and he knew that he lived in a world amongst this great and ever growing advanced technology. Maybe there was some expensive machine that could make people go away to like another place without anyone knowing with like this amnesia effect. Yeah. Like where he could forget all of his problems for like three weeks and could come back from Cancun with a nice tan and sewed up dignity. He would have paid every dollar he had for that. Fuck, he would have even paid anything for the opportunity to blink without thinking about how, Perrie probably was thinking about how much of an annoying habit that was of his. Blinking.

      He didn't know where he went wrong, what he did to make her lose all of this affection for him. It was like one minute they were together with their legs all tangled while they rested beside each other in bed with her being all happy and giggly while he kissed down her neck and the next she was calling him on the phone, telling him how the whole marriage thing is not gonna be a genuine kind of deal in her case and how she would like to see other people in the downlow until their divorce would happen. Zayn, wished she texted him. It would have been less destructive. But he knew that she would never do that. Perrie's a good person. Always has been and always will be. She's just a good person that didn't love him back. That's what sucked. He couldn't hate her for lying to him this whole time or for being so forward about everything, Zayn feeling like she didn't really take his feelings into consideration. He couldn't. He still loved her. She was supposed to be his wife. They were supposed to have kids together and be sitting down in some rocking chairs in their mansion when they were both eighty and still in love.

      Fuck. What if he never got over her? What if he loved, Perrie forever and couldn't get over it, everything they had? He was surprised that he didn't die the day that she told him, that he didn't even pass out from shock or something. Because according to, Zayn, he had never been more surprised in his life by anything. Her sudden reveal even surpassed that of the X factor finale results. Louis, told him that he was being a bit over dramatic, but Zayn just shrugged at that. Zayn's not the I'm going to hold back my feelings because I'm manly and manly guys don't show emotion kind of guy. He wished he was, more than anything, but he just wasn't. If something made him sad, it would be plastered on a billboard that was stapled in front of his face for everyone to see, the words I'm fucked there for all eyes to read.