Love Wins All

Chapter 4

She took her seat next to the window so she could watch outside. The sky was clear blue with no clouds, the sun was hitting the window's glass and let trough rays of sunshine which hit So-Yun's leg who felt an instant feeling of warm.

The seat next to her were taken by an old woman and, on the the hallway seat by a man who had almost the same age of her father. So-Yun started to think about those girls on social medias who talked about meeting the most beautiful guy on board... it was not her case. The passengers were almost all women e a few men who were middle aged men, younger than So-Yun or simply they were her type. She had quite high standards and those could not be satisfied by just one person. Maybe those expectation were built in her mind just because she didn't want to be hurt or let herself be that much vulnerable and showing in that case her wackiness. Imagine a guy who is perfect made her fell secure; "Nobody will ever be enough" she thought "Nobody will ever make me happier than i am right now and i'll always be."

Was she really happy? was she enough?

Probably thinking in that way comforted her about the that she was extremely difficult to love and nobody will ever do, unless he was perfect.

During lunch she ate a meal divided in three portions: a bowl of rice, seaweed with beef and the classic kimchi... like every passenger flying to Seoul wanted to live the amazing experience of the typical tourist; commercial songs, skincare and beauty products which had the power to make you appear ten years younger and, if you had the change to meet your soulmate, it would be exactly like a k-drama. The food was good, nothing particularly special but at least So-Yun was happy that she could eat something whit vegetables. In America she liked to eat greasy Chinese food, pizza and takeaway. She didn't have a huge passione for cooking so she preferred buying food with spending a few dollars.

The bathroom was narrow like every other bathroom on airplanes but she not very tall so the space was enough for her to move around. She was looking her reflection in the mirror: Her hair were cut short, at the length of her chin, a few weeks before by her mother which made her look more mature, She had light dark circles under her eyes which could be cover by a few touches of concealer, her skin was like porcelain, she looked like a doll. Her acne disappeared during her high school years but some scars of it were still on her cheeks... a little of makeup and no one would ever notice. She was 17 but she looked 15. People were always asking her how old she was and So-Yun couldn't understand why they were asking because it was obvious how old she was. Even her mother was facing the same question; she was 52 but she looked like 44/45. Many women were jealous of her because of that.

Once one of mother's colleagues that So-Yun met was 50 years old... she thought that woman was at least 60. There are some people who het older before their time like children who are living in difficult situations and they're pushed at the age of 10 to think and talk like they're 40 years old.

The opposite is for the ones who are 30 and mentally they're acting like they're 15. 

One of her teachers who was 32, was telling to the class in those rare moments of break before the end of the lesson, about how he still felt the need to discover himself.

"I still have the entire life in front of me and i want to live everything that i've not still experience."

"For example?" asked one of So-Yun's classmates.

"Love, for example. I was about to get married at the end of college but then i thought" "Ehy, why should i rush?" "I still want to see what the world offers first."

"So you're basically saying that you wanted to go with other women?"

"Exactly, Emma."

"But don't you think it was a mistake? i mean if you were about to get married it meant that you loved this woman and even so you let her go for a supposition... for discover... more?. Is something more like a young kid like us would do... a young boy who just discovered how hormones works."

What Emma said was not wrong, it made sense for So-Yun.

Why leaving someone you love and having the chance to spend the rest of the life whit her just because you wanted to live the thrill of adventure? Maybe for the doubt of life: "If i don't do these experiences i'm not really leaving my life fully" or "If i choose the "forever" now then i can't go back."

Her professor clearly revealed to his students his private life and his vulnerabilities and So-Yun could see the embarrassment on his face after what Emma said.

"Well, everyone has their own opinion, Emma".

"So you're happy now? Don't you regret leaving somebody who thought you were important?"

"If i am happy? well guys... i am. Maybe i could do the things differently and having a different life now. I did certain choices and can't go back in time. I accept my life how it is."

To So-Yun what he really wanted to say was: "I regret what i choose to do and now i am paying the consequences."  You just had to look at his face to understand the real answer.

 One of the things that you learn when you're scared to disturb or being a burden is learning to observe. Observing the facial and body expressions and notice how that person is really feeling.

"And that woman? Where is she now?" PJ asked, another So-Yun classmate.

"She got married. She has two kids now and she's happily leaving in the Upper East Side."

"Well, she's living a better life than you sir. You're not married, right?"

"No, I'm not. But it's fine. I've got my job that make me happy."

"Have you aver seen her again?" Sarah Asked.

"Sure, i've seen her... She was exactly like i used to remember."

Here it was. A 32 year old man who imagined how his life could be if he made the choice to not leave the woman who saw value in him.

Sometimes we lost love, it disappear, other times we cannot find it despite all the searches we do.

New York was the perfect example of how anything is possible; you see thousands of people every day who are complying about how they can't find true love even after 100 of dates and other people instead seems to live the best life, single or married. The one who are married seems to have the best husband: a man who come back every evening after work and rather than leaving his wife on Friday nights, he brings her with him at he pub with his friends leaving the kids with the babysitter.

The one who're single instead seems to have the world on their hands. Partner after partner, clubs over clubs, every night is theirs. sometimes they're said because maybe they couldn't hooked up with somebody whose hot enough to be on Times Square Billboards but most of the you look at them and they're actually happy with their life.

Incredible how two different sides of New York could crush into one another every single day, So-Yun thought.

Her parents lost the love that made them together but despite both of them were living in different countries, So-Yun could see that love was still there, hide.

They were still taking care of saying "Hi" when their daughters was leaving for Seoul or came back to New York. They wanted to know how they were doing and if their life was going well.