LOSING IT ALL //HAYLEY PARKER

10

~LOSING IT ALL~

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10| WHAT IS HAPPENING?
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LOUNGING BEHIND JAYDEN'S truck with my bare feet swinging back and forth like a pendulum in a grandfather's clock, I look out over the breaking surf of the blue beach as the late afternoon sunlight ripples along the waves.

Jayden stripped to his hosiery is racing towards the shore, hollering in excitement as he goes. A small smile perches on my lips as I watch him reflectively.

Why the sudden urge to bond. I ponder internally. It's been months since we last hung out together, alone, without the rest. Initially, I was worried about us, but then as time elapsed, my worries elapsed as well. But, why now?

Truthfully, ever since the night at Whitley, he's been acting up. Texting frequently, kissing me before I go to bed, picking me up, bringing coffee up to my room every morning, and being more clingy than usual.

You like it, don't you?

Yes, I do.

Then why're you complaining?

Because it's all bizarre, and sometimes I just don't know how to react.

Ahead Jayden waves me over, I shake my head vehemently and tighten my puffa jacket over my chest for emphasis. Jayden flaps his hands to his sides in an exaggerated exasperation, and I giggle at his petulant behavior.

My phone vibrates in my hand, and I scoff volubly at the message from Camille.

If you fail to tell us all about the greasy happenings in your hangout with Jayden when you get back.
I promise to castrate him myself.
~Milley :) <3

"Can she be less dramatic?" I mutter to myself, re-reading her text with my eyebrows furrowing in mock disbelief.

"Who should be less dramatic." Jayden's hearty baritone voice booms, near and loud. And for the second time today, I jerk up, startled. "Why're you so jumpy?" He asks, confused.

I stare up into glazing emerald eyes with disheveled blonde hair and cleft chin, and once again, my brain switches off it's circuits.

"Uhm..." I trail off.

Jayden leans over and crush his lips against mine, hard and urgent, and my mind goes blank. What's happening. I wonder, feeling his wet hands over my thighs.

My eyes are shut tight, my breathing shallow as a rush of blood pounds against my eardrums. Jayden's tongue slips into my mouth, and a strained moan leaves my mouth. It slides and pushes against mine, fighting forcibly for dominance as he tugs me hard against his damp and naked torso to straddle him.

I'm falling, everything's hazy and bright, and then...the sudden shrieking sound of his phone's ringing tune breaks up the intimate moment.

Jayden cusses and pulls away, reaching out for his phone in the hip pocket of his crumpled jeans laying beside me. I sit hyperventilating, indignation and frustration gathering inside my head like a steam in a pressure cooker.

He picks the call, mouths "I'm sorry," before stalking away. My fingers balls into fists, and I scoff at my earlier thoughts. You were too fast to judge. Too clingy, going right off the list.

Gathering my wits about myself I grab my pair of nifty Reeboks, and exasperatingly stuff my feet into them. So much for bonding.

Sitting back and facing forward, I fix my gaze on how the headlights are cutting through the darkness as Jayden guns his truck down the winding road that curves along the side of a hill.

He doesn't say anything, and I, leaning against the truck's window ledge says nothing as well.

When he brakes upon approaching the house, and turns into the driveway and cuts off the engine, I'm quick to grasp my Tote bag and to vault out of the truck. I hear him call after me, but I don't stop. With adrenaline pumping vigorously through me, I flounce myself into the house, brushing pass a very startled Newt up the stairs to my room.

Inside my dark bedroom, with the sliver of a full moonlight slanting in onto my carpet from my open window, I latch my door, slide to the floor and suppress the urge to cry, again. What's happening? I ponder, again.

Was that call more important?

Don't be a bitch, Hayley, it could've been.

But, it's was supposed to be us alone. Us. Bonding.

Not everything can be controlled.

Does it matter? 'I'm sorry' couldn't even fix my disappointment.

You expect too much. Too much 'expectations' and 'shoulds' ruins relationship, a lot.

I guess so. I agree, deflated, staring into the shadows, and into reality. Jennifer, Camille and Jayden takes turns to raps the door and to cajole me into opening up.

I don't bulge, I'm too exhausted to stand up anyways. So, when they get tired of pleading for attention, and has gone to their rooms, I crawl my way into my rumpled bed, and burrow myself deep into the sunflower motif duvet.

It takes a while for sleep to come, cause my mind keeps reeling and rattling off into different funniest wee trains of thought. And when I finally did feel sleepy, it was around two in the morning.

However, I made a new conviction. I'm not going to be anyone's spare time, not now, not ever. That I will always have to protect myself first. It would be me first.

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