LOSING IT ALL //HAYLEY PARKER

22

~LOSING IT ALL~

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22| THE MISUNDERSTANDING
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I SIT WHITE-KNUCKLED, STARING out of the truck's window at the passing scenery as Jayden quietly barrels through the traffic.

Right after hanging out with Jennifer and Camille, as promised, Jayden promptly came to fetch me. I can't stand being in the same space with him. It rattles my spirit. Even after he's threat, he has the audacity to smile cheerfully at me in front of the others and kiss me. Godblessmysoul! I felt so revolt that I had to repress myself from actually emptying my guts on him.

A few months ago, I would say Jayden really loves me, but after yesterday's episode, and his veneer of love and affection in front of Camille and Jennifer, the urge to kick him in his balls seems to be overrating.

My phone dings, and a text from Dale flashes over the screen. I bought the couch 😅. It reads, and then with a whoosh, a photograph icon of him standing beside a gray willow II slipcovered sofa with a 2-piece piece right arm chaise sectional comes up.

I can't help staring a little bit longer at the photo. It's slightly blurry, and taken with his hand stretched out. The sleeve of his shirt is pulled to his elbow and my eyes lingers on the musculature of his bronze forearm popping with veins.

"Who's that?" Jayden's voice jars me out of my trance of fantasy. I intuitively snap my phone shut and sneak a surreptitious glance at him.

"What? Are you going to be going through my phone now? Do I also have to tell you everything that goes on in my life now?" I hiss irritably at him.

Jayden sighs frustratingly, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "Is this about yesterday?"

A raise an astonished eyebrow. "Pardon?"

Jayden sighs again, heavily and impatient. "I mean, if this is about yesterday night you're at fault. Me loosing my temper wasn't cool but who's responsible for that, huh?"

I scoff incredulously. "Fuck you, Jayden!"

"FUCK YOU, HAYLEY! Fuck youuu!" He snaps, and I'm puzzled by the contempt in his voice. "What'd you think, having a fling with him would sit right with me? That I would be all cheeky and happy? Don't you think I at least deserve to feel hurt and angry?"

"A fling with Dale?" I say curtly, my brain reeling from the revelation, and then whacking with confusion. What the hell is he talking about?

"Oh, now you're going to play dumb, right?" He snarls at me. "Newt told me everything. How you've been so cosy with him. How you guys have been hanging out together a lot." He sighs. "How'd I not see it. I've been right under the same roof and yet I didn't even notice it. I've trusted you too much and I've also blindly trusted him too. Do you know what's like to find out that someone you've loved for nearly two years is cheating from right under your nose?"

I squeeze my eyes shut. Newt, that motherfucker!

"This is a misunderstanding, Jay." I say finally.

"A misunderstanding?" He trills sarcastically. "What's misunderstood. That you don't like him or that there's nothing romantic going on between you two?"

I gulp hard. He wasn't lying. I do like Dale, and we might've accidentally kissed. It wasn't planned, it just happened and thankfully none of us delve further into embarrassing ourselves on the subject. I want to tell him the truth. I want to tell him that I do like his friend. But, how can I shamelessly tell him that? Isn't it being selfish?

"Dale and I didn't just go hanging out." I start, guilt plugging into my heart at my coward route to step out from this mess. "We've been looking for an apartment. Dale wants to move out."

Jayden brings the truck to a screeching halt in front of the traffic light. "What?" He quips in surprise.

"He wants to move out." I repeat, emphasizing each word as if I'm talking to a misbehaving child. "I've been helping him look for an apartment, that's why I've been mostly out with him."

"Why didn't he come to me?"

"Why don't you go ask him that?" I snap. "All you've done so far is to throw accusations against us both. You didn't even bother to ask us the reasons for our late returns, or the reasons why we're always together. You've just been looking for faults to validate your own feelings."

Jayden looks at me, his face bright red with shame. He shovels a large hand into his unruly blonde hair and sighs, deflated. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Of course." I say, dryly.

"Seriously." He catches my hand, his cold fingers sliding over the top of mine, and I recoil from his touch.

"Your apology cannot take back the memories of yesterday night, Jay. Not even a bit." I say and turn away. And when the traffic light turns green, and horns monopolizes the atmosphere, Jayden involuntarily starts to move through the street.

Even after saying that, a paroxysm of guilt settles heavily in my chest. I should've come clean with him. I should've told him everything. I shouldn't have lied about liking Dale because I do. I really do. And I'm certain that this lies will come with a price. One day Jayden will find out, and then, I'll have to face the consequences of my decision.

Whatever happens, I'll face it. But as for today, I'm so tired of walking around in eggshells. I'm so exhausted. I just want peace.

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