LOSING IT ALL //HAYLEY PARKER

18

~LOSING IT ALL~

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18| MY SWEET JAYDEN. IT CAN'T BE
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JAYDEN IS SITTING ON THE step of the porch as Dale turns the Volkswagen Beetle into the driveway. He springs up abruptly when he sees us, his disheveled blonde hair falling over his Harry Potter's glasses that hangs loosely on the bridge of his nose, his favorite graphic t-shirt looking rumpled.

"He doesn't look good." Dale acknowledges, switching off the engine. I swallow hard and then gather my Tote bag.

Jayden gives me the sternest look as I approach the porch. "Let's talk in my bedroom." He says laconically, then spins on his heels and walks into the house. He doesn't even look Dale's way.

"Will you be okay. I feel bad for putting you in this position." Dale worriedly says, sidling up to me. "I wouldn't mind talking to him instead if you don't want to."

I smile gently at him, brightening. "It's not your fault. I decided to go with you. I'll be fine."

Inside, Jennifer and Camille are snuggled together in front of the Television with huge bowls of popcorn watching a comedy show on Netflix. They both see me and immediately straighten up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rat you out. Jayden was very persistent." Jennifer explains shamefully.

I kick off my boots and saunter across the room. "It's okay." I mutter as I traipse towards the staircase. "I reserved gumbo and rice for you in the microwave in case you're hungry." Camille adds quickly before I can dorky half-jog and disappear up the stairs.

Walking briskly down the narrow hallway towards Jayden's room that is situated at the end of the hall, I try racking my brain for some plausible explanation to lessen his unexplainable sour countenance. What can I do or say to make everything better? I repetitiously ask myself.

Jayden's bedroom door is ajar. His dark blue walls are covered with posters of LeBron James, his favorite basketball player, and the musicians, J. Cole and 6LACK. Minimalist artworks, photo frames and an old guitar case also sits on the wall.

In the blackout curtained window recess, there's a gaming pc set on his table. Jayden's room is not necessarily deemed tidy, because tees, and joggers, and jackets are sprawl over every available surface. On his lounging chair, on the wooden headboard, on the bedside table. Literally everywhere.

Drawing in a deep breath, I venture gingerly into the lamp shaded room. Jayden is sitting on the edge of his divan bed breathing heavily. His broad shoulders are hunched, and his head is cradled in his hands. He doesn't say anything as I walk tentatively towards him.

"Are you all right, Jay?" I ask softly, ducking down briefly to pick up a shirt that lies limply on the floor. Jayden sighs aggressively just as I toss the shirt onto the bed.

"Is there anything I need to know?" He suddenly asks, staring up at me with hurtful eyes. He's Harry Potter glasses is halfway across the room, a lens cracked.

"Explain." I say, brows pinching in confusion. Jayden scoffs at my response, an incredulous look marring his face. His eyes are nearly bloodshot from being stoned. "Seriously Hayley, are you going to be like that?" He grills tetchily.

"I don't think that clarifies your question, Jay. What're you calling me out on?"

Jayden raises sluggishly from the bed. Betrayal and hurt and anger mirroring his face. "What? You think I don't know what you're doing behind my back? You think I'm dimwit and not able to decipher whatever's going on between you and him?"

My mouth is hanging loose in shock and disbelief. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Jayden grasps my upper arm harshly, tugging me back towards the wall. "STOP! Stop lying to me, Hayley. I know. I know everything!"

My back painfully bashes against the wall and a gasp of agony escapes from my pendulous mouth. "Jay, you're hurting me." I whimper in pain, trepidation sipping into every fiber of my body. Jayden ignores my protest. Anger blazes brighter as red blotches paints his cheeks and neck. "Tell me, Parker, why'd you do it, huh? He's my goddamn friend, why does it have to be him?"

"I-I don't understand w-what you mean." I sputter, struggling against his iron grip. "Let go, Jay, you're hurting me."

Jayden pulls me away from the wall and hurls me back against it, I swear I hear a crack. "LIAR! Why're you lying to me! I know, I know everything, Parker. Why! WHY?!"

My back ebbs with a painful burn. My limbs are trembling with fear at Jayden's menacing and outrageous disposition, and what he can possibly do to me. I need help. Can't anyone hear us from downstairs? Where's Newt? Where's Dale? Where's everyone?

"Jayden stop it, you're hurting me." I croak out, feeling my world go water-blur and hazy. "Please."

Jayden tugs me towards himself, his green eyes dark and sinister against the lamp's light. "You're mine. I don't care whatever's going on between you two, but I want to remember that nobody can take you away from me. Not even him."

My breath comes out coweringly. I can't even fathom what the heck is happening. The suddenly repulsive stench of alcohol and weed that emanates from his being churns at my tummy, putting acrid saliva in my mouth. I want to disappear. I want to go away from him as far as possible. It all feels so surreal. My sweet Jayden. It can't be.

"Do you understand me, Hayley?" Jayden grits obnoxiously at my face. I struggle to get my act together. I struggle to construct a comprehensible word, but I can't. I can't stop shrinking in dread. I can't stop the film of tears from pelting down my cheeks. I can't even stop trembling vehemently.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, PARKER?!" Jayden yells again in infuriation and impatience. And then it all comes spilling out from my lips.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes....."

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