Everything but her

Picking up the pieces

Aarushi had told Virat that she was okay. She had told Ajinkya too that she was fine. Everyone who asked her the question got the same answer. But deep within, she had been heartbroken. Angry too but mostly heartbroken. It was one of her most cherished memory that had been put out there for the public to make for their tea gossips. She did not know who had done it. Nor did she want to know that because she knew the culprit was not the one who had uploaded the video. The culprit was the thought process. She had lived her small life trying to escape public glare. Even with Virat, she had always tried to stay away from limelight as much as possible. Two functions was all that they had attended during the course of their three year relationship. Aarushi had always preferred quiet places rather than the hush hush of the city life which Virat wanted her to show. With his growing popularity and money, he wanted to buy her the best presents. He wanted to take her to the costliest hotels. Wanted her to dress in the branded clothes. But Aarushi had not wanted any of this. Even after choosing the field of fashion designing, she had learned to stay detached from the celebrities, late night parties and all that glitz and glamour which was known to be attached to this profession.

And then, this happened. Two years back she had started on this journey and thought that now no one could deter her from this path. No boyfriend, nothing. And she had felt so good. For the first time, she had found herself. Yes, she did not have someone who loved her as Virat had but she seemed to love her job. She was lucky to follow her dream and live her hobby as a profession.

She knew Virat had moved on. He had found another girl too. Though now she knew they weren't together anymore but he certainly had moved on. Somehow she hadn't. Because Virat had never said that he did not want to be with her nor had she wanted such a thing. She had still not met anyone so wonderful as him. She knew there were many ideal men in the world but she did not want ideal, she had loved him. The video had brought back the memories she had tried so hard to escape from. She could feel herself falling for him once again but she knew he was forbidden. Her brother had warned her years back not to be in touch with him and since then they had talked just yesterday. It had all got over so quickly that Aarushi had no time to pick up the pieces. But she had made up her mind. This time she would not go on the verge of breaking herself. She wanted to gain herself. She wanted to be something, someone and it was not possible with the trauma going inside her head.

'Please sit mam, sir will be there in a minute', an assistant motioned Aarushi.
She entered the room after a few minutes when she was asked to. She saw a man in his mid thirties sitting there. He looked impressive. She read his name 'Dr. Shreshtha Kapoor'.
Her best friend had got her an appointment to a psychiatrist seeing her condition. After a long hesitation, Aarushi had concluded maybe it was in her best interests to go there and speak her mind out.
'Welcome ma'am. Please have a seat', he motioned her to the chair.
Aarushi took a seat admiring the architecture of the office.
'Are you feeling comfortable Miss...'
'Aarushi'
'Yes, Miss Aarushi'
'I am fine.'
'So, let's start the session...tell me your happiest moment till date.'
'There are two actually.'
'Ok no problem, go on.'
'First when my brother got selected in the national team and second when I went out on my first date ever. Like a proper date. I was clumsy but it is unforgettable.'
'What makes these two moments so special apart from the fact that you stated?'
'My brother had worked really hard for getting one chance in the domestic team. He was selected in the national team and that too to play in England and he became the first Indian player to hit a half century on debut in a T-20 match. That was really special. And the date part, well, it was really special because of the person who was there with me. I had known him for just 6 months but somehow he made me feel so special and at the same time so comfortable. So that was it', Aarushi expressed a little sadness as though she was watching that day pass by.
'Ok, very well. Do you miss the old Aarushi like do you want to be what you were five or maybe six years back?'
'I don't miss her but I really miss being carefree and you know like unrestricted in a way that I could speak my mind out without a hesitation which is not the case now. I have become more responsible and that has brought a great change in me. Now I have to think a thousand times before speaking.'
'Ok, if given a chance what is that one person or thing that this Aarushi would want to have from the old Aarushi?'
'Virat, maybe', she said and then realised what she had said. 'No, I mean, I'll have....'
'Don't worry you have to speak what comes first on your mind. You need to be open to me. Only then can I help you. So this Virat was he close to you?'
She did not speak for a while. But her heart told her.
CLOSER THAN THE NECTAR IS TO A FLOWER. CLOSER THAN A MOTHER WANTS TO BE TO HER NEW BORN CHILD. CLOSER THAN THE LIGHT AND SUN.
'Well, yes, we dated for around 3 years so yeah we were kind of close.'
'Ok, I told you not to think and answer. Anyway, have you had any other relations of this sort after him?'
'No'
'Why, if I may ask?'
'I was too busy in my professional life.'
'Ok, that is quite good. Are you satisfied on your professional front?'
'Totally.'
'Where do you see yourself in five years?'
'Like I want to be the best in my business and maybe find a guy to settle in around 3 years.'
'Ok, last question, do you miss Virat?'
'Well, I don't know if I miss him or not but I have been thinking about him from the past few days. Is it inviting danger?'
'Well, you would know better if he is danger or not. Tell me is he a danger to your heart?'
'Well, the broken pieces of my heart still do enough to hurt me but the point is it was not him who created those pieces in the first place. So I don't know if I can pick up those pieces and start afresh, if given a chance.'