𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚘, Hyunjin

20.

October 2023

I never expected to wake up for a second time next to a work of art. I was lucky the first time, but a second seemed like a blessing. It seemed unbelievable that I had woken up because said work of art was playing with my hands. The very hands that were lying between us. It was a moment so perfect that I was afraid to open my eyes, worried that with the slightest movement, it would all crumble away. His actions were so gentle and tender. I almost didn't want to wake up from the dream-like state I was in.

I focused solely on the touch of his fingers against mine. It was as if he was tugging at the strings of my heart. As his fingers danced down my arm, I felt goose bumps all over. I remained 'asleep' and continued to feel every delicate touch he decided to give me. I felt nothing for a few seconds then total surprise as his hand wrapped around my hair and gently pulled.

The suddenness of it took me completely off guard. I barely opened my mouth, but it was enough to let out a soft gasp. A wave of embarrassment washed over me, making me feel like a spotlight was shining on my every flaw. In an instant, I turned away, hoping to hide my discomfort and avoid any further attention.

I heard soft chuckles from behind me. Hyunjin's hands rested on my shoulders, pulling me so I would turn over to face him. I attempted to disregard the tugs because I was feeling very ashamed. Still, his chuckles were making me question if the moan I let out was what he was after. I wondered what his intention was by touching me softly as I slept.

"I'm sorry, turn back over," He whispered.

I had not yet opened my eyes, but I realized it was still dark outside. It was early in the morning, far too early to be up at this time. I yawned and finally opened my eyes to the world - It made everything seem more real, and that meant there were more consequences. I didn't want to face Hyunjin, facing him meant facing the awkward noise I made to his action.

"Come on, don't be embarrassed," He encouraged.

"How? I shouldn't have made that noise." I told him, curling into myself.

"I was the one to pull your hair," Hyunjin stated, "What if I wanted to hear you make that noise?"

This time, I did turn to him. Have you ever been in a situation where someone confessed something to you, and you were left feeling confused and unsure how to react? That's exactly how I felt when he confessed to me. It left me with more questions than answers. He was still smiling. He was smug and looking as good as he did when he fell asleep.

"You wanted to hear me...make that noise?" I asked him, beyond confused.

He shrugged, this time not giving me a proper answer now that we were facing one another. In the darkness, I could see his eyes were surrounded by red rings telling me he was tired. I had no idea when he had woken up, but I would force him to sleep for longer if his eyes were to remain red. His lips were slightly cracked from the lack of hydration.

"Do you want some water?" I asked him, accidentally making him aware that I was staring at his lips.

"No, I'm okay," He smiled, his hand finding itself on my head.

"Are you sure?" I asked him, double-checking with him.

He gave me a reassuring nod, letting me know he was okay without a drink. Our eyes met; I felt a chill run down my spine. I observed him closely, trying to gauge his intentions, while he seemed to be studying me with a mix of curiosity and calmness. I couldn't help but feel a tension between us. My heart was beating faster than usual, and I found myself struggling to maintain eye contact.

"Oliver?" He whispered despite us being the only ones in the room.

"Yes?" I whispered back.

"Have you ever liked anyone before?" He asked softly.

I took my time to think about it. Going back through all my memories, playing them like an old piece of film. My school years flashed through my mind, then my University memories but no one stood out in particular. Throughout my life, I have never felt the warmth of love through someone's actions, words or thoughts. No one has ever made me feel cherished or cared for, and the idea of love has always been a distant dream.

"No, I don't think I have," I told him, his expression didn't change, not letting anything through. It confused me.

"How come?" He asked me.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I just never really experienced it. There was no one I was ever close enough with to begin liking them."

He nodded deep into his thoughts. I wondered what he was thinking about. I was curious about his relationships, whether he had ever been in one or became an idol at a young age, whether he had been in a relationship. Had he ever liked someone? Did he establish a relationship with them? I wanted to know, and I had never shown this type of interest in someone before.

"What about you?" I whispered to him.

"No, me neither," He said quickly and I smiled at his directness. It seemed to be the only way I understood things sometimes.

"Why did you ask?" I smiled, wondering where his thoughts were coming from.

"I just think...that I like waking up beside you." He admitted with a smile I hadn't seen on him yet.

I smiled too, "Well, we're friends, aren't we? We can do sleepovers."

His previously cheerful smile appeared to sag slightly, causing his expression to momentarily falter. However, he quickly regained his composure and resumed his confident demeanour. He nodded and sat up in my bed. I looked at him, upset at the distance between us when we had been so comfortable under the blankets.

"Did I say something wrong?" I asked him, afraid I had made him upset.

"No, I was just thinking..." Hyunjin smiled down at me.

I was aware he wasn't just thinking, there was more to it than that but I couldn't for the life of me place what it was. The tension in the air as we sat in silence seemed to grow. I didn't know how to push through it, so I did what Hyunjin seemed to like to do. I leaned in and gently reached out to grasp his hand, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine.

I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't pull away, but he also didn't talk or initiate things again. It was getting slightly brighter outside, the light seeping past the blinds of my bedroom. I could see Hyunjin more clearly, as his eyes dropped closed as he sat up. I was tempted to giggle at his tired state, but instead, I tapped his leg and told him to lie back down. He followed my words.

"I'm sorry if I said something wrong, recently I've been doing a lot of that," I whispered out to him again, desperate for a direct reply saying it was alright.

He smiled, seemingly doing better than before. His fingers were colder than before, but it felt nice as his fingers found themselves running through my messy hair again. I closed my eyes, focusing on his touch. They trailed a line of tingles from my hair to the side of my face. I opened my eyes to look at Hyunjin.

"I can't get enough of your eyes," He whispered, his hand resting on the side of my face.

"Are they pretty?" I asked him, although he had already told me they were pretty.

"Very."

"Are we going to spend all day in bed?" I chuckled at him, not letting him close his eyes yet.

He yawned and nodded to answer my question. I smiled and let my fingers brush up the hand that was still on my face.

"I need to buy something today, do you want to come later on?" I asked him and his head moved a little signalling he had heard my question and agreed.

"I need something too..." He mumbled out, falling asleep.

"Okay, sleep. I'll wake you up." I told him, placing a little kiss on his wrist.

I closed my eyes next, leaving his hand placed on my face. It was bound to slip off my face as we slept but it was comforting. I needed a sense of comfort right now.