𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚘, Hyunjin

21.

October 2023

I can't say I was expecting this sight. An unorganised and messy Hyunjin in my bedroom, trying to look for something. After our last waking up I deduced that we had only slept an extra 3 hours since then. Once my eyes opened, I expected to see the work of art again. Yet, he was rushing around my room looking for his shoes.

His black Converse were under my bed - I placed them there after I put him in my bed. I had a smile on my face whereas his eyes were wide with worry, a complete contrast. It was almost funny seeing him in such a state; he was usually calm and composed. I always saw him in such a cool light, with his stylish clothes and glam life. Recently, I have seen a much cuter side to Hyunjin.

Seeing him in a state of panic was very domestic to me. It was delightful to witness him in that state, as it allowed me to visualize the possibility of encountering him in a similar demeanour on multiple occasions. I wasn't sure if he was aware that I was fully awake from his consistent searching and just watching him. Perhaps he was trying to be quiet and for that, I found it even funnier that he was being anything but quiet.

"Come on, fucking shoes..." Hyunjin cursed and I couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

He giggled as we made eye contact. I was cosied up in my bed, the blankets wrapped around me as Hyunjin was nearly fully dressed to leave. He was a busy person so it didn't surprise me but I still wanted him to stay a bit longer. He ran his fingers through his chaotic hair to get it away from his forehead and eyes.

"Do you know where my shoes are?" Hyunjin asked, slightly calmer now that I was awake.

I nodded, slowly getting out of the covers and feeling the October cold. Goosebumps arose on the skin of my arms and the back of my neck. I got on my knees and fished out his converse form under my bed; I placed them in front of him and made him sit down on my bed.

"What does your day look like?" I asked him, loosening his shoelaces first.

I didn't want to remind him that he said he would come shopping with me today because his plans were always unorganised and could always change last second like I assumed happened today. I would happily go another day with him - it all depends on him but I would wait. My therapist did say to get an object of comfort quickly, but I think it could hold out while I had Hyunjin.

"You remember Jeongin, the one who I brought to the gallery?" He asked as I shoved the Converse onto his foot and began tying his laces.

"Yes..."

"He's coming back from Paris earlier than I thought so I'm going back to their dorm to welcome him back." He smiled, from his energy alone I could sense he was really excited to see him come back.

"That's exciting." I tried to share his energy but I couldn't. I wasn't in his position, excited to see a friend come home, so I couldn't understand why it was exciting at all.

"It is!" Hyunjin announced, ruffling his hands through my hair aggressively, making it a nest on the top of my head.

I blew it out of my eyes to continue with the other shoe on his other foot. He sat there obediently as I tied his shoes laces and then patted his legs to let him know I was done. Once I stood up, Hyunjin picked up one of the thin blankets that sat at the bottom of my bed. They were disorganised as we had slept and kicked them around to get comfortable through the night. A checkered blue blanket found itself around my shoulders, he made sure to tuck it tightly around my frame.

"I need to get going, thank you for letting me stay when I fell asleep." He said with a warm smile, and I nodded.

I walked him to my front room where the front door to my apartment was located. I walked into my kitchen first, making Hyunjin follow me in silence. He wasn't in much of a rush anymore, so I assume the shoe loss was taking too much of his time. I pulled out a strawberry-flavoured breakfast bar from one of my cupboards - I handed it to him, which he accepted with a gracious smile.

"Thanks, now I feel bad because I stole an apple from your little fruit basket." He pouted his lips, feeling bad as he pulled the apple from his pocket.

I chuckled, "It's alright, take as much as you wish to."

"An apple is fine, thanks." He smiled and hit his forehead against mine softly.

I noticed since yesterday he had been slightly more touchy with me. More comfortable like we have been friends for a longer time than we have. He wasn't afraid of what I might say to his slight touches or his hugs. I deemed that Hyunjin was a person who loved physical touch. I was surprised at the realisation and I knew I'd have to get used to all the unexpected touches. I'd have to understand how his skin felt on mine - deep down, I was somewhat fine with that as long as it was Hyunjin.

I walked him to my door, which he opened and stood out into the outdoor corridor. I tugged the blanket closer to me in the chilly wind - Hyunjin zipped up his jacket and put his mask on to sit just under his chin comfortably. I watched him for a few seconds wondering what he might say.

"I know I said I'd come shopping with you," He stated, "Can it wait till next week?"

I nodded with a smile - I hadn't asked for a week off yet, and I doubt it would happen but if it does then I had no reason to buy an item of comfort just yet. It could hold off for just a little while longer. I was definitely going to go with Hyunjin if he was offering, it would be way better than going alone. I never went shopping physically, I preferred it behind a screen. Clothes, food, things were always found online and having someone knock on my door was way better than suffering in the noise of the public.

"Okay, I promise I'll see you next week. I'll message!" Hyunjin stated, dancing on his toes to go. I could see he was tethered between staying and going but desperately needing to go.

"You promise?" I found myself asking, desperate to know that he would message and keep me company.

He smiled, "I promise!"

"Then go if you need to." I laughed at him, his energy building up steadily, his excitement brimmed and then spilt over the edge.

His hands found themselves planted on my cheeks. I had no time to realise what was happening. I felt something cold, and soft on my lips. I wanted to say time stood still, that the world around us faded away and all my focus was on the touch of his hands and lips. I wanted to say that the sweetness of his kiss was something that I would cherish forever but it was all over so quickly.

He pulled away quickly, his eyes as wide as mine were.

"Hyunjin?"

"I'm so sorry...." He muttered, keeping his eyes on the floor for the first time since I had met him.

He turned his back to me, he began walking from my door and down the stairs from the outside of the apartment block. I watched him rush down each step, barely stepping on them. I walked back into my apartment when he was too far down to see.

He kissed me and I don't think he meant to.