"When tempted, no one should say "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it give...
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"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." - Jeremiah 31:3
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Not when I was alive and nor after that had I ever been a very rational person. Or so I've heard. But it never occurred to me I'll ever be placed in a situation like that. I have no idea what had gotten into me when I tried to take her away, but I just couldn't bear waiting for her any longer.
I briskly climbed up to the fourth floor onto the railing of the hospital and sat right outside her bedroom window. The blinds weren't closed, allowing my curious stare to wander around the moon-lit space. My eyes landed on sleeping-beauty who was dead to the world (it means sound asleep if there is anyone wondering).
And I just... looked. She was so very peaceful whilst her lids were closed shut. When her eyes weren't so cruel and cold to cut me deeply with their sharpness she looked even prettier. I could have easily opened the window, but there was no point in that. No point in disturbing her peace and making her stare at me with her usual disdain.
And then again, I saw the light circling around her protectively, along with that idiot guardian angel of hers who never left her presence while she was asleep. I obviously stood no chance against it.
Since I wasn't exactly dead yet, I couldn't see angels or demons clearly, but I sensed them undoubtedly. And one thing was certain: hers never left her side for not even a second when she slept. I've checked multiple times ever since the very first night we met and every. single. time. her angel was there.
During the day, it was only God protecting her, but sometimes, probably when she forgot to pray, she was unguarded. And I finally had an opening to talk to her, lure her in, perchance.
I believe it's been more than a month since I first met her. I tried anything I could to get closer to her, but each time I felt like someone was burning our bridges and every effort of mine was in vain. At this point, I was already desperate. I had no idea whether I loved her or was simply just obsessed with her. Or maybe it was my ego that longed for her, longed for vengeance, for she hurt me on multiple occasions.
Whatever it was, it was consuming me. I was already restless, already doomed, already fucked. So why did I consciously give in to this obsession that killed me for a second, third and fourth time, in a row, each moment she looked my way with those soulless eyes?
What hurt more is that I knew that hateful gaze was specifically and exclusively for me. I've seen her look at her parents, the falling snow, the glistening moon. I've heard her speak softly to the other patients, to the doctors and the nurses. I've seen the warmth on her face when she prays, when she talks to the children in church. All, except for... me.
But am I to be blamed on?! Is it my fault I'm like this? It's not like I chose to be a vampire, it just... happened. Why can't she spare me just a little bit of sympathy? She's acting as if it were so easy to contain myself from eating humans. But she never felt hunger like I do. Like we all do.
