Where All My Hope Is

A Peek Into The Past

When I opened my eyes again, I was standing in a black infinity. It was empty and dark. I shivered and began walking around.

"Immanuel? What am I supposed to learn from this?"

Suddenly, out on the horizon, I spotted a lone figure. Without giving it a second thought, I bolted over to the boy. My heart sank when I saw that it was Ezra.

I strode out in front of his figure, ready to lay into him, but his eyes showed no recognition of me even being there. It was like I was watching a recording. Ezra looked different. His face was rounder and his eyes softer, not yet tainted by the darkness of our world. He couldn't have been older than 7.

Suddenly, an angry man burst through the black wall and stormed over to us. He was a brute, tall and dark. He was identical to Ezra, everything except his curly beard. I watched as Ezra's sturdy face melted into fear.

"Where is it?" The angry man spat. It was strange. Their lips moved, forming different words than I heard. Reading his lips, I wasn't surprised to find they were speaking in Zyzanyan. However, I was hearing their words in my own tongue.

Ezra lowered his head. "I don't know." he whispered.

The man stomped closer, "You have to have it! Where is it!?"

His voice had grown raspy, his anger boiling over.

"I promise, Father! I don't know," Ezra cried.

Ignoring his son's statement, the man said, "You have five seconds to give it to me. 5, 4..." I backed away and watched as Ezra's fist clenched.

"3, 2..." A single tear flew down Ezra's cheek, but he didn't brush it away. "1," the man glared at Ezra, "Worthless son, absolutely worthless!" With a single punch he threw Ezra to the ground. I gasped in horror, but Ezra didn't make a sound.

***

"Get away from him!"

I was transported to a new scene. I was in a small, one-room house. It was so run-down, I couldn't imagine how anyone would live there. Water was leaking through the ceiling, and dripping on a small cot in the corner.

The speaker was Ezra, but a bit older. I would predict him to be about 14 now. Next to him stood Asher, who was also younger, about 10. He was sobbing into a 19-year-old Aurora's arms, while Ezra confronted their father.

"What are you going to do about it, you rat?" Ezra's father asked. Rage filled Ezra's eyes as he charged his father. Raising his fists, he tried to fight, but the big adult was too much for him. Slamming him into the ground, his father kicked him continually.

"Stop!" Aurora screamed, holding on to Asher, who cried harder. Suddenly, a knock was heard at the door, temporarily stopping their father.

"Makási Killian?" a voice asked. Their father cleared his throat, straightening his back, and walked to the door.

"Yes?" he answered, as if nothing had been happening. Ezra rushed to Aurora and buried himself in her arms.

***

Suddenly I was transported to a new scene, except it was with Aurora and an older Ezra, I would guess about a year later from the last scene. "We have to leave him behind!" Ezra shouted.

Aurora grimaced, "I can't leave Asher behind with dad! You've experienced the effects of him being a parent! That's why you suggested leaving in the first place!"

Ezra lowered his head, "I need to get out of here, and Asher is too young to make the journey across the border. If you're not coming, then I'm going by myself!"

Before I could grasp what was happening I was transported to one scene after another. Each dealt with Ezra but in a light that I'd never seen. Something that he had hidden from the world, Ezra's body was controlled by fear. The moments from his life flashed faster and faster before my eyes, soon they were all mushed together into one angry storm of hurt, anger, and fear.

Soon the scene where Ezra's betrayal was brought to light appeared. Ezra's face was again plagued by fear and hurt, as he watched the past me being dragged away. After I was gone, he stormed up to Kaya and yelled, "Why did you tell her that! I was willing to die with and for her, and-" he stopped as he noticed the evil glare that flashed across my sister's eye.

She put a hand on Ezra's shoulder, "My dear little sister has caused my family enough pain, more that you can ever imagine. I just wanted her execution to be as painful as possible." Kaya leaned closer to Ezra's ear. "And nothing hurts more than being betrayed by someone that you gave up everything for."

Ezra stumbled back, "You used me! You-"

Kaya rushed forwards and forcefully kicked Ezra in the stomach, "Let me make this straight for you," she grabbed his shirt collar, "No matter what you try you will not be able to save Fae." With that she exited the room and slammed the door behind her.

I strode closer to Ezra, I knew he couldn't see me but I wanted to be close anyways. I watched Ezra's face crumple as he began to cry. Large heaving sobs escaped him as he tucked himself into a ball. "I'm sorry Fae." he cried out, "I'm so sorry!"

It took me a second to realize that he was just talking to himself and not to me. My heart started to break. The Ezra that I had known had been ripped away, replaced by a scared, hurting man. Just as I was getting used to his crying, a dark shadow radiating shame and sadness floated across the room towards us.

I cautiously stood up, ready for anything, this whole experience was terrifying and new. What was next? I watched the shadow settle on Ezra's shoulders visibly weighing him down and an instant change appeared on his face. Grimace and shame locked on like a sticky slime. Ezra rose to his feet, his eyes on the money-filled sack. I observed as he walked over and chucked the bag to the ground, letting the golden coins clatter across the floor. He then stormed out of the room. And in an instant, Ezra was gone.

I stared up into the abyss, stunned by what I had witnessed. The enormity of it all crashed like a wave on a sandy beach. A single thought came to mind, "I forgive him, Immanuel."v